‘January, please.’ He reaches across, places a hand over mine to stop me from trying to unlock the door. ‘I’m sorry, but—’
I withdraw my hand from his, stare out of the window again. ‘Please, Ward. I need to get home.’
When I return home I find Isla curled up on the sofa. Spud jumps up and covers her with licks, making her giggle. She then wraps her arms round me and I hold her close. ‘Do you want to talk to me?’ I ask her softly when we pull apart. Ruki joins us from the kitchen. ‘Do you want to tell Mum what happened?’
‘Gemma was cross that I talked to some of her friends. She said, “You’re leaving me out. If I moved school none of you would care.”’
‘She said that?’
Isla nods. ‘We had maths last, with Miss Bunting.’ Isla loves Miss Bunting. ‘When the bell rang and I stood up Gemma pushed me. She pushed me and I fell, Mum, with all my books.’
‘And no one saw her do it?’ I stroke her hair.
Isla shakes her head. ‘She waited for me, Mum. She doesn’t like me. She said I’m handicapped.’
Ruki and I exchange looks, in an understanding that we feel the same way. ‘When people say horrible things, Isla,’ I tell her, ‘it usually comes from an unhappy place. Gemma is probably unhappy so she is trying to make you feel that way too and that’s wrong. Do you understand, Isla? None of this is your fault.’
After Ruki has gone, Isla and I have supper together, but I worry when she barely touches her food.
My mobile rings. Thank goodness it’s Dan, not Ward. ‘I was going to call you,’ I say, leaving the kitchen to take the call in private. When I tell him what happened, he asks, ‘What did the teacher say?’
‘No one knows yet. This isn’t going to end here, Dan.Gemma called her handicapped.’
Dan is quiet, but I can feel his anger down the telephone line. ‘Do you know what she needs to do?’ he says at last. ‘Isla needs to say something really kind back, do something this girl doesn’t expect, to unnerve her.’
It feels good to talk to Dan, it reminds me that I’m not alone and nor is Isla.
‘I’m not sure if I should call the school, have a meeting or what?’
‘Talk to Fiona.’ Clocking my hesitation he adds, ‘She’s right here and used to dealing with this kind of stuff.’
I tell myself that I’d rather be in a dinghy with Isla heading towards an iceberg, but I don’t say so.
Fiona listens carefully before advising me to write a letter to Isla’s form teacher to let them know Isla’s side of the story. ‘Whatever you do, January, don’t try and take the matter into your hands. I’ve seen parents challenging other parents and it can turn into a war. One more thing. It’s so important that Isla tells a teacher. Zero tolerance is all well and good, but if children don’t report the incident, we know where that can lead.’
I know too well. It was only when the physical evidence began to show that Granny had realised I was in serious trouble. For Toby, his bullying finally led to an official warning from the police and a period of exclusion from school. It led to our family moving to Cornwall and Lucas deeply resenting my grandparents and me for the change.
Isla and I sit huddled together in our pyjamas on the sofa watchingMamma Mia!I’m so relieved when I hear her laughing and singing along with Pierce Brosnan.
‘Who is it, Mum?’ Isla asks when my mobile rings, alerting me to a text message.
‘No one, darling.’
‘I’m sorry. We need to talk. Call me. Ward.’
Flustered, I turn my mobile off. It was a moment of weakness and stupidity. It’s a road leading to nowhere. I’m not even going to tell Lizzie about it. The office can never find out. Imagine if Jeremy knew!
As Isla and I continue to watch the movie, desperately I try to block Ward out of my mind, but soon I feel his lips on mine, the palm of his hand touching my cheek, his fingers wiping away my tears. I feel the warmth in his voice as he’d told me Isla would be all right, that it’s her strength of spirit that counts. I’m ashamed by how much I’d wanted him to kiss me. Guilty, so guilty I can’t tell a soul. I huddle close to Isla.
I need to switch Ward off.
‘This bit’s so funny, Mum.’ Isla points to the screen.
Switch him off and pretend it never happened.
I can do that.
Of course, I can.
