‘I never meant to hurt you,’ he repeats, reaching for my hand. ‘What can I do? How can I make it up to you?’
‘You can’t. That’s the problem. It’s not just your fault, Angus. I shouldn’t have let myself get so close to you.’ I shrug helplessly. ‘You’re married.’
‘I should tell Sophie.’
‘Tell her?’
‘About us.’
‘Why?’
‘I think I need to be honest, don’t you?’
‘Angus, don’t.’
‘If our marriage stands a chance?’
‘Then don’t tell her. Maybe if we’d slept together.’
‘But I wanted to, Holly.’
‘I know. So did I.’
‘When Soph called, I panicked. I raced out that door. I couldn’t let them down again, I couldn’t, not after what happened last time.’
‘I know. Don’t tell her,’ I say, realising how strongly I feel about this now. ‘Look, we need time apart. I can’t see you right now.’
He nods. ‘I’ll drop out of the café. And Angel’s classes. I have to anyway, not up to much exercise in this state.’
It’s hard to imagine Soul Food without Angus. Or Angel’s classes. Nothing will be the same without him. ‘What good will it do telling Sophie? It might easeyourconscience, but what about me? And Laurie?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘If Sophie knows about me, she’d hate me and never want us to see one another, and I wouldn’t blame her for that. But how could I explain it to Laurie? If she knew what happened between us, she’d only worry, get upset that we might stop seeing her too. She sees us like her parents, Angus. We’re the first two people who have cared for her, who have actually given a damn. I know we won’t be able to spend as much time together, not with your new job and being at home, and you and I need time apart, but we can’t abandon Laurie.’
‘I wouldn’t. I love that girl.’
‘Exactly. We kissed, but nothing more,’ I say. ‘We had feelings for one another, life got messy, but we’re going to deal with those feelings by taking some time out and letting them go. But if you tell Sophie about me, the café, then everything blows up in our faces and everyone is a loser. Haven’t Sophie, Benjie and Amy been through enough? Hasn’t Laurie been through enough?’ I realise I’ve barely drawn breath. ‘I mean, do what you need to do, Angus. If you have to tell her, then tell her, but please think about what I’ve said.’
‘I’m going to miss you, Holly.’
‘Me too.’
‘Whoever said you can only have one soulmate in life was wrong.’
‘Don’t, Angus.’
‘They didn’t meet you. If things were different…’
‘Don’t make this even harder.’
‘I have to try and make things work for my family.’
I put on a brave smile. ‘You have the chance to be with your family again. Don’t screw it up this time.’
‘Yeah. Don’t go and fall in love with someone else,’ he tells himself. ‘Especially not with someone as lovely as Holly, someone who doesn’t deserve to be hurt again.’
‘I’ll be fine.’ I wipe my eyes. ‘I’ll buy some cats or something.’
