With a deep breath, I snatch it up and head out to the back porch. The late afternoon sun is just about to dip behind Bull Mountain in the distance, the majestic peak already casting long shadows across my yard. I settle into my favorite rocking chair, feeling its familiar creak under my weight as I look up to the twilight sky.
I can do this. It’s just a letter. Some final words my best friend wrote before her unexpected and untimely passing. The timing was uncanny, and I almost wonder if she knew she wasn’t long for this earth. I have always known what it says–probably asking me to keep a promise I made to her years and years ago. First on their wedding day when I watched my best friend marry the man who completed her–and her him. Then again, just six months before she passed, Anna made me promise again. A promise I’ve kept.Probably why I’ve never opened the letter…
Losing Anna and helping Red and his then ten-year-old son, Wyatt, through their grief was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. But it was a duty to Anna and to them that I was happy to fulfil.
When I received the letter a month after her passing in the mail, I couldn’t believe it. But somehow, it became this huge thing in my head. Since I was also in the throes of my third and last divorce at the time, I didn’t have the mental or emotional capacity to deal with whatever words Anna felt she needed to share. That’s why I put my head in the sand and stored the envelope away for safekeeping.Not safe enough obviously…
Fingers trembling slightly, I carefully open the letter from Anna. The paper feels soft in my hands, a stark contrast to the weight of emotions it holds.
Dear Maggie…
As soon as I read the first two words in Anna’s unmistakeable elegant handwriting, I realize I’mstillnot ready–maybe I never will be. I quickly shove the letter back into the envelope and turn it over for good measure.
Staring out toward the mountain, I focus on steadying my breathing and willing my racing heart to slow down.
It’s been years, what’s a little more time, right?
The chime of a text message notification breaks through the silence and it’s all the motivation I need to pack the paper ticking time bomb away for another few years. MaybethenI’ll be ready to see my best friend’s final words to me.
Until then, I’m going to hold my memories of her close to my heart like I’ve done for years now. I’m not ready to let her go–I never will be–just like Red will never move past the loss of the love of his life. So, I’m going to keep hold of the letter and put off reading it for another day… one far, far away.
But like I’ve been doing and will continue to do, I’ll keep being there for Red and Wy as long as they need me. Red is like my calm in the storm called life. He’s steady, he’s loyal, he’s never let me down, and I know he never will.
Picking up my cell off the kitchen counter, I see that same man’s name on the screen.
Red: Where are you? I’m here waiting for a good Mags dinner and the woman in question is M.I.A.
Mags: Sit tight, Redmond. I’m just leaving home now.
Red’s name is this big mystery to everyone but me. It’s notactuallyRedmond. His legal name isn’t even Red. But it’s become this running joke now with everyone at Bull Mountain Ranch where he lives, so Wyatt, Red, and I remain the only people who know the truth. As for me, I just call him Redmond whenever I want and he just grins at me with a twinkle in his eye that I love to see. It’s a win-win.
Red: Everything OK?
I roll my eyes because as much as I look out for him, Red looks out for me too. He’s the kind of man who looks out foreveryone.
Mags: Yeah. Just saw Char and Austin off. Speaking of that, why aren’t you going to Rhett’s for a roast dinner? Surely that beats anything I can cook you?
Red: It was a couples thing, and Wyatt is out with friends. Figured I’d come see you instead. And nothing beats your corned beef hash. It's not world-famous for nothing!
Mags: Aww, I feel honored.
Red: You should. By the way, I’m grabbing a beer. Waiting makes me thirsty.
Mags: You don’t need an excuse for a beer, Red. You forget that I know you.
Red: Mmm hmm. Sure do. Just like I know you and you’ll be rushing back. This is me telling you to be safe and take your time. Need you in one piece, Maggie.
I’m still grinning as I put down the phone. Red knew me as Maggie when Anna first introduced us. Then, he soon adopted Mags just like everyone else. I’ve noticed that he slips back to calling me Maggie when he’s being serious and wants me to take notice. He’s the only one to call me that and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
My eyes move to the cursive “Mags” written on the front of the envelope. “I’m not ready, Anna,” I whisper. “But I will be soon, I promise. Now I’ve got to go feed your husband.”
With my mind made up and places to be, I stuff the envelope between my recipe books stacked on top of the refrigerator. Palming my keys, I grab my purse and head out the door with a genuine smile on my face because not only am I on my way to my happy place–the ‘world famous’ Loaded Hog diner that I own, I’m also going there to see one of my favorite people too.
Who needs a man, partner, or a fourth husband, when I have a best friend who’s everything I’ll ever need without the complications of sex, love, and romance? I have friendship, I have companionship, I have family, and I have the diner.
Andthatis the real reason why I can’t read the letter. Life is good. Now is not the time to rock the boat.
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