I slowly turn to her. “You mean it was a hell of a lot more quiet, right?”
Her lips curve up. “Nah, I mean it was like there was just a little bit less of somethin’ here when you weren’t around. Does that sound stranger?”
A smile tugs at the corners of my lips and I shake my head. "No, because I feel like there's a part of me missin' when I'm away from the ranch and the mountain too."You too now apparently.
Dee nods, her eyes flashing. "Me too! I mean, it won't be anythin' like what you feel, I bet. But I was sayin' to my Mom the last time I called her that I feel like I fit in here. Like I’mmeantto spend time here, you know? It's a bit strange considerin’ I've only felt this way two other times in my life–back in Queensland, and then in Montana."
Leaning back, I brace myself on my arms behind me. "You missin' it?"
"Montana?" she asks and I nod. "Would you believe that this place reminds me of it so much that it's almost like a home away from home? The only thing missin' is my Mom."
A frown. "Not your Dad or brothers?"
She arches a brow. "Well we have Red who's like the father figure of the ranch, then there's Rhett and the rest of you Grahams who arejustlike my brothers in lots of ways."
I must not hide my wince quickly enough because she realizes what she just said and covers her mouth. "Oh shoot. No–" She shakes her head. "Gosh no. Hell, we almost kissed, Toby," she whispers. “Sonot like a brother.”
That brings a slow-growing but devilish grin to my mouth. "Hmm. We did share a moment a while ago, didn't we?"
Dee's cheeks bloom straight to red but she's snickers so I'm not worried that I've spoken out of turn. "I've been meanin' to ask you about that."
Part of me has been waiting for this conversation, and part of me hoped Iwouldn’tneed to explain what I meant. Because while I was away, I made a life-changing decision when it came to Dee and me and the Call. I’m not going to spill all and tell her everything, but I’m not going to hold back either.
After that moment at the wedding which seemed so natural and real and how itshouldbe, and then talking it out with Landry and Star on the trip, I decided to stop trying so hard and let it just happen.
Not stop wanting Dee–I can’t imagine a single day for the rest of my life that Iwon’twant the woman in any and every way. I’ve decided that all the worrying and second-guessing of everything when it comes to the two of us was going to drive me crazy–and not in any fun, cool ways.
Instead, I’m going to continue being me and trynotto think about the Call and hope that the universe–and the mountain spirit–will help guide Dee toward our destiny. Better still, Dee will realize all on her own that I’m the future love of her life and she just can’t spend another moment of her life without me in it.A man can only hope…
“You’ve been meanin’ to ask me about what?” I say.
She huffs out a breath with the cutest little growl. “You know damn well what I’m talkin’ about, Toby Graham. Don’t play dumb, it’s unbecomin’.”
There's a burning itch at the back of my neck that I know isn't caused by anything other than the Call. I'm almost tempted to look up at the mountain to see if the spirit is playing with my puppet strings or something. I rub my palm over it, trying to come up with an explanation that will tell her without telling her. She must misunderstand my silence as my non-answer because before I can talk, she beats me to it.
“How about I tell you whatIthink you meant?” I nod, my tongue feeling ten times too big for my mouth. “I think there’s a connection between us but neither one of us know what it means.” My lips part, my eyes widening a little as my heart, my lungs, hell–my whole damn nervous system–freezes in anticipation. “I think me missin’ you when we were away means somethin’ too. I just don’t know what.”
My whole body surges with energy and sensory overload all at once as my organs come back online.She's not shutting this down. That has to be a good thing.
‘But I know that you’d want me to be honest with you, just like I want you to be honest with me. I’m worried that I’m just findin’ my place and my footin’ at the ranch and you and I have a good thing goin’ with our friendship and bein’ bunkhouse buddies and all that.” I nod, a lump growin' in my throat as I prepare her to let me down gently. “So I feel like I just need to get it out and tell you that yes, I would've kissed you. Because in that moment, with love in the air and my endorphins buzzin' from geriatric dance-offs and breakdancin’, I wanted to kiss you.”
“I wanted to kiss you too, Skippy,” I reply warmly, smiling at her. “I just don’t wanna do it until we both know what it means.”
“The thing is, I don’t date,” she says, matter-of-factly.
My head jerks back like I’ve been slapped in the face with a frozen fish. “What?”
Dee shrugs. “I don’t really date. I mean Ihave, Ido, I guess. I just…” She tips her head up to the sky, the sunlight bouncing off the smattering of light brown freckles over her nose. Her teeth dig into her lip telling me she’s thinking hard. “I’m verypurposefulin what I do. If it’s not goin’ to benefit me, my family, or enrich my life in any way, let alone lead somewhere I want it to go, I don’t see a reason for doin’ it. That goes for everythin’ I do, includin’ datin’. Why waste time with someone if it’s got an expiration date.”
A light bulb goes off in my head because it’s like I’m looking in a mirror right now. “So you’re not gonna date unless you’re sure that it’s leadin’ somewhere and means somethin’?”
She slowly moves her eyes to lock with mine and the depth and wonder I see in them would have me lost in them forever whether she's my soulmate or not. "You get it," she whispers.
“Yeah, Skippy. I do.”
She tilts her head. “So that’s what everythin’ means?”
“Oh yeah.”
