Nail-biting silence ensued between Cade and me. He went over to one side of the room while I stayed planted in my corner, searching quietly. The room had three walls laden with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, one grey brick wall with various frames, three sofas with a pattern reminiscent of the ’70s surrounding a swanky coffee table, and work desks with frosted glass lamps. It was a pleasant, cozy room, harbouring the same musty smell that was prevalent in Balthazar Building.
Eleven minutes later, hopelessness spread in the chilly atmosphere. It was inching closer to 2:30 a.m., and there was a strong possibility that another team had finished before us. Last year, Darla and I completed the competition in under two hours.
Speaking of another team…Except for that Initiator who attacked me, I hadn’t seen anyone else. It was a rare occurrence not to see others throughout the competition.
Unease bloomed in my chest. Something felt cataclysmically wrong. Nothing about this Initiation Night had gone accordingto plan.
I peeked over my shoulder and spotted Cade crouching near the brick wall…removing bricks? My lungs inflated, ready to give him the speech of how we’re not supposed to destroy anything on campus, but immediately stopped short.
I marched towards him. “What are you doing?”
“My foot accidentally collided with one of these bricks. Then I realized they were protruding and loose. Got my suspicions going.”
Cade continued removing a series of bricks, his flashlight resting on the ground.
I squatted beside him and angled my torch to offer more light. Cade reached his hand into the wall’s crevice, brows furrowing in concentration.
I tried not to focus on the endearing way his wet hair was slowly drying with a hint of a wave, the way his tongue ran over the inside of his inked bottom lip, the way his eyes rose to meet mine and flared with wonderment at my nearness.
My God. It should be a sin to be this handsome.
It had been months since we were intimate. Would screwing him one final time get him out of my system and give me the closure I needed? Then again, wasn’t there a saying that closure was a myth? And fucking him one final time would only be a slap in the face of my self-respect.
Cade yanked out an object and smirked at me. “Well, would you look at that? Just like old times, huh, Ellie?”
It was a baseball bat with the final dare tapped along the barrel’s surface.
I blanched, convinced tonight was a long-awaited punishment for all my past sins.
The baseball bat was an eminent symbolism of our frenetic relationship. Cade and I both knew what it stated.
The will to continue this game suddenly left me. Why wasI putting myself through this suffering? For a crown and title I had already won? It wasn’t worth it.
Feeling defeated, I whispered, “Why do you keep bringing up the past?”
“Because I can’t let go of it,” Cade returned ardently. “I can’t let go of you, Ella. You’re the other half of me. Don’t you get it? I’m stuck in the past because I can’t move on from you,mo chuisle.”
Mo chuisle.
It was beautiful, the way Cade caressed the term of endearment on his tongue. It had been so long, I almost wept at hearing it twice tonight.
If only his sweet nothings could fix everything broken between us.
Old memories resurfaced, reminding me of the physical pain I felt after catching Cade in the act. The helplessness echoing inside of me while I sat on the bathroom floor, tears streaming down my face as I accepted my loss.
“I don’t want to do this anymore.” I felt numb as I stood up, almost robotically. “Ican’t, Cade.”
Perhaps running away was the cowardly route. But when the next stop ahead was a dead end, turning around was the best solution.
My ex-boyfriend dropped the baseball bat and it rattled loudly against the floor. Mimicking me, he stood up and chuckled without humour. “This isn’t about the competition anymore, eh? This is personal.”
I placed a hand over my stomach, feeling another old wound rip open. “It wasalwayspersonal.”
Cade ran a palm over his mouth and jaw, shaking his head like he was seeing something inside of me he wished he could unsee. “I don’t know why I bother with you, Ella. You’ve got so much pride. I’ve been trying for goddamn weeks to get throughto you, yet you refuse to give me an inch. I’m at a crossroad, baby, and I really need you to see beyond the pain of our past and hear me out.”
Did he not understand? Hearing him rehashthatnight would transform me into the shell of a girl I was over the summer. I would never be that version of me again. I refused to.
“You have no right to talk about my pride, when you stripped me of mine. You’re the very reason for my humiliation.” Vehemently, I confessed, “Youbrokeme, Cade.”
