My mom’s extremely observant. Nothing flies over her head. She always knows when something is wrong, picking up on the smallest telltale sign. It’s no secret my demeanor has been off this entire week. And while I’m close to my parents, I just don’t have it in me to rehash the whole Liam fiasco.
“Everything is fine,” I reassure. She can tell I’m lying but doesn’t push it. “I already had dinner after class, so I’m going to go to bed straight away.”
My parents wish me good night with wavering smiles coated with worry.
In the shower, I cry a few tears. It happens all of a sudden. It’s uncontrollable and I blame it on the fact that Aunt Flo will be visiting soon. Even though I’m in denial and fully aware that it has everything to do with my crappy week.
When I come out of the shower, completely shaved and moisturized in my favourite lemon-scented lotion, I notice a plate ofturonsitting on my bed. Surprise, surprise, that makes me cry too. My dad always brings me treats when I’m feeling down. It’s the fact that heknewand wordlessly brought up one of my favourite desserts to silently cheer me up.
Cheeto also has her suspicions that something isn’t right once I settle into my bed after putting on a face mask and lighting up my cozy fall candles. I like to think animals are very much in tune with their humans’ emotions. My cat has been staring at me with her judgemental (or is it concerned?) stare while I watch reruns ofThe Vampire Diaries.
“Elena, how could you?” I holler at my screen when Elena and Damon kiss. It’s official. Season four sucks. “Stefan deserves so much better!”
The only person who would agree with me is Liam. He’s team Stelena (yes, I forced him to binge-watch the show). But I’m not replying to any of his text messages, having ignored all of them for days.
My wound is still raw, even though I miss him like crazy.
After mulling over our last encounter, my self-reflection concludes the following: Liam not wanting to meet in person truly has nothing to do with me and everything to do with his own scars. I want to be there for him. I want to help him. Yet I can’t, unless I know what I’m working with.
That means Liam needs to open up and tell me where his mind’s at so I can meet him halfway.
He’s sent me plenty of apology text messages but none of them close to the spectrum oflet-me-explain-things-Bel. It’s allI’m-sorry-and-I-messed-up. Thewhyisn’t there.
Liam has strong walls, but he’s going to have to lower them himself if he wants us to fix this.
And if I’m being completely honest, I don’t think our friendship will go back to the way it used to be. Not when he’d murmured to me, in that hungry, awe-laced tone,“You’re so…beautiful. I wanted totell you when I first saw you. Took my breathaway, Bel.”
I’m not crazy or imagining things. Liam feels something for me beyond platonic best friendship.
So do I.
It took me a really long time to admit it to myself; I want more with Liam.
There will never be someone who treats or understands me the way he does.
My pondering is cut short when my phone blares. It’s Kennedy. I pause my episode and pick up her video call, settling deeper into my pillows.
We’re both wearing face masks, as is our ritual on Friday nights. “Hi, Ken.”
“Hi, May.” Kennedy settles onto a couch with a bowl of popcorn in her lap. “Sorry I couldn’t call you earlier. I finished work late. A group of teenyboppers collectively spilled milkshakes all over the floor, so I was on mop duty.”
“Ah, that sucks.” I’d probably start wailing on my shift if that happened. “How are you feeling?”
“Tired and like I need to sleep for the next decade. I wanted to give you a call to catch up before I continued watching my boyfriend.”
She’s talking about Michael Cordero fromJanethe Virgin. Not Caleb Wright, of course. We spoke about him a few days ago and Kennedy said she’s over men and their mixed signals. She’s laying off of them for a while and I don’t blame her.
The only men we can rely on are of the fictional variety and written by women.
“Sounds like a perfect night.” Cheeto stretches out and comes to rest on top of me. She likes to listen to my heartbeat sometimes.
Kennedy shoves another round of popcorn in her mouth. “Now tell me howyou’redoing. I know these last few days have been really stressful for you.”
I deliberately avoid the elephant in the room: My unsuccessful romantic life. “My quiz went horribly.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, May. On the bright side, you’ve been acing this class, so hopefully, it doesn’t impact your final grade too much.” Kennedy peels off her mask and hits me with a meaningful look that makes my stomach flip. “But you know that’s not what I was referring to.”
I sigh and peel off my own sheet mask. “Yeah. I know.”
