Pia cocks her hip against the counter and tsks. “Yeah, I don’t believe you. I’m willing to bet all my tips tonight that it starts withMayand ends withBel.”
Just the mention of her name sends a pang of longing through my chest. “Please, Pia. Drop it. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“No. We are talking about it. You can’t isolate yourself whenever you’re hurt. It’s not healthy.”
“You offering to play my therapist, P?”
“If that’s what it takes to get you out of this mood, then yeah, call me Dr. Phil.”
I want to tell her about all these thoughts jumbled in my brain. However, I’m not great at accepting help or discussing my feelings. More so when it’s related to my love life (or lack of). Sure, Mabel and I have had plenty of deep conversations about life, but even with her, I felt…embarrassed relaying my past.
Or the way she makes me feel.
Chancing one more glance at Pia, I bite the bullet. “I screwed up with Bel.”
“No shit, Sherlock. That much is obvious.” She grimaces seeing the devastated look on my face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude. Why don’t you start at the beginning? Explain to me why you never told her who you were.”
Downing the last bit of my beer, I move the bottle aside and Pia takes it away. My cheeks heat up (another thing I hate about myself: I blush easily) as I ponder how to best say it.
I finally rip the bandage. “I feel unworthy of her.”
Pia gapes at me. “What?”
“C’mon, Pia. Everyone who sees us standing next to each other must wonder what a guy like me is doing with a girl like Mabel.”
“Please, tell me this is a joke.”
I wish it were.
When I remain silent, Pia’s expression shifts to something horrified. “You truly think badly of yourself.”
I can’t even deny it. I always have. The curse of being bullied growing up? Every single bad thing someone has ever said about me is etched in my mind. Sometimes I can shake off those thoughts. Sometimes they consume me.
Those thoughts make me feel undeserving of having good things.
My self-esteem has taken a dive over the last few years and I’ve been doing my damnedest to bring it back up. Some days are a challenge, while others are a bit easier.
“Lee.” Pia reaches forward and squeezes my closed fist. “I’ve met a lot of men in my twenty-seven years on this earth, and I can say with confidence that you’re one of the most noble of them all. I’ve never seen you speak to anyone with disrespect, you treat everyone you meet with kindness, and you never let the female patrons walk alone at night to their cars. Not to mention, I’ve seen you defend girls when unwanted boys get a little too handsy with them. You’re the kind of guy who restores my faith in mankind.”
My throat tightens with emotions as I soak in Pia’s genuine words.
“And these are just the things I’ve seen working with you for a short while. I have no doubt that the people who know you closely echo this sentiment: you’re a fantastic human being. I don’t know much about your past, but I’m very sorry to know it’s made you see yourself in such a bland light.”
My chest feels like it’s squeezing. With pain. With happiness. With relief. I have a hard time accepting compliments because I so rarely get them. “You should really consider a career as a therapist, P.”
She chuckles good-naturedly. “I’m an excellent listener and advice-giver, thank you. I’m well-aware of my talents.”
I tug at the collar of my black polo self-consciously. “Do you think I deserve a girl like…Mabel?”
Pia gives me a soft smile. “I think you deserve each other, Lee. Mabel seems like a sweetheart and honestly? Any woman would be lucky to have a man like you. You’re special and I believe she knows it too. The way she gazed at you Friday night, like she was completely enamoured, speaks volumes.” Pia braces her elbows on the counter and leans forward, frowning. “Are you sure she’s never told you how she feels about you? I have a hard time believing she hasn’t dropped any hints.”
I freeze for a moment, the last two sentences circling in my mind on a loop.
Pia watches me silently, her gaze burning into mine with intent.
Mabel was gazing at melike she was completely enamoured?
I do recall pieces from last Friday night where Mabel smiled at me in…wonderment. The way she had a hopeful twinkle in her eyes, despite feeling wretched, when she asked me if I was Liam. Before her disappointment at my fuckup, there was an instant when her face flashed with happiness.
