Liam
For as long as I can remember, it’s always been me, myself, and my solitude.
The same way we keep our enemies at arm’s length, I’ve done so with the world. It’s shown me its ugly sides more often than not, and I’ve spent a good chunk of my life hiding in its darkest corners to avoid being seen by my tormentors.
The problem with hiding?
Eventually, you are found.
And last week, Iwasfound.
My entire body still hurts as a result. I feel like a walking, talking wound. Like someone gutted my insides and dissolved my bones, only to force me back together into a pitiful version of my once whole self.
Somehow, I find the strength to drag myself to first period English class. I sit in my usual seat in the back corner, close to the windows. Glancing out into the morning scenery gives me a reprieve. A moment to put my thoughts at bay and focus on the maple trees lining the school’s courtyard. Fall is here. The leaves will start to change colours soon.
The bell rings and the sound is like a trigger. I close my eyes, suddenly remembering the blows I was dealt last week and how it inherently changed something inside of me. Taking the last bit of my softness and turning it into stone. Enticing me to turn my back forever on the people in this vicinity.
None of them were worth shit.
My teacher, Mrs. Fletcher, walks down the rows, handing out envelopes. I scrutinize the thick pile in her hands. Until I remember she mentioned starting an epistolary program with a teacher from another high school earlier this month.
Before last week, I was excited to pen my first letter to an anonymous recipient. Now I can’t muster enough fucks to care.
It’s funny; when you’re in pain, nothing else registers in your mind. You’ll go through the daily motions, but everything in your surroundings feels trivial. It all pales in comparison to the growing ache residing within you. A wound that refuses to heal.
Mrs. Fletcher smiles at me sympathetically and puts a hand on my shoulder, as if telling me she’s proud I showed up today. Most of the faculty members are privy to what happened. Her gesture is meant to say ‘Hang in there. It’s all going to be okay.’
I give her nothing but a blank stare in return.
She slips an envelope on my desk.
The next few minutes are a blur as she goes over the instructions.Open your letter. Readit. This will be your pen pal for the nextnine months. Pull out a blank loose leaf and writeyour response. Be courteous. Be kind. No bad words orrudeness, please. You have an hour to complete the task.
There’s not an enthusiastic bone in my body, but at least this mind-numbing exercise will give me something else to focus on besides my pain. I don’t see any of the demon spawns responsible for my predicant, and that causes the tension coiled in my big shoulders to slowly ease away.
I gently open the envelope and take out the folded letter.
Cursive, feminine scrawl in blue ink greets me.
Dear friend,
It’s so nice to‘meet’ you. My name is Mabel and I’m astudent in Mr. Johnson’s class. Super stoked that we’ll be pen pals for the next year!
A littlebit about me: I just turned eighteen three weeks ago(fun fact: I share the same birthday as Beyoncé—September4), I’m the tallest girl in my year (5’8”), I have a cat named Cheeto (she’s literally orangelike the snack), I’m trilingual (I speak English, French, and Tagalog) and I have a really big sweet tooth(white chocolate andTuronare my favourites). What about you? What are some of your favourite things? I’d loveto know!
Mr. Johnson says the prompt for this letteris to discuss something we’re looking forward to. IfI’m being honest, I’m looking forward to finishingthis school year and never looking back. High school issuch a weird period in our lives, don’t youagree? Some people peak. Others have barely blossomed. Some actlike they’re on top of the world, while othershaven’t even discovered their place in it. I kindof fall in the latter category. I have likes anddislikes. I have dreams and goals. I have a zestfor life, but I’m not exactly sure where I’ll end up in the future or where my placewill be in the world. Is this something you canrelate to?
Personally, the prospect of university has me quiteexcited. I’m ready to explore beyond the walls ofNorthwind High and make new friends—and not of thefake variety.
I want to submit an application to VestaUniversity’s business school for the marketing program. I’mnot sure if I’ll have the grades to makeit in. Or if I’ll even fit in. ButI’m super creative and I think it’ll bea good way to apply myself. Are you planning ongoing to university next year and if so, what programsare you considering? Tell me everything, please. I’m socurious to know about you!
Oh, I also forgot tosay that I’m really looking forward to the upcomingseason ofThe Vampire Diaries(If you haven’t seenit yet, I regret to inform you this pen-pal-ship can’t go any further). It’s the bestshow ever and I will die on that hill. Anotherthing you should know about me: I’m obsessed withall things horror and supernatural. What kind of movies andTV shows do you like?
Can’t wait to hearfrom you. I hope you’re doing well!
Sincerely,
Mabel
