Prologue
SAINT
“Happy birthday to me,”I whisper to myself as I sit on the edge of the bed. I’m officially an adult.Eighteen.The age when everything is supposed to change, or at least that’s what I’ve been told. That might be the case for everyone else, but not me.
When I wake up tomorrow morning, everything will be the same. I’ll still be the God-fearing daughter of a preacher, trapped beneath expectations that will never disappear. Always smiling on command, always stepping up when called, yet never once asked what I want.
Saint by name, saint by nature.
Of course, thinking that, guilt leaks into my chest. It’s a heavy weight. My life is good. I’m content. Happy. Cared for and loved. To think the way I am is selfish and ungodly. To feel bad for myself when I have everything makes no sense.
Before I can sink deeper into my thoughts, a pebble taps the glass of my window.
No, this is my birthday. If I can be selfish on any day, it’s today. So I shove back the shame I’ve built into my freaking personality and prepare to have a fun night out with my bestfriend. Pasting a smile on my lips, I push off the bed and walk over to the window. I already know who I’ll find standing there.Allie.She’s the only one reckless enough to throw rocks at Pastor James’s house.
I pull open the curtain and peer outside, and just like I knew she would be, Allie stands there staring up at me. She’s grinning in the middle of the yard, her arm cocked back with another stone in her hand.
“Let me in, birthday girl! I have a surprise,” she shouts.
I press my index finger against my lips to tell her to be quiet, and I slip downstairs to open the door, careful not to wake Dad.
Allie barrels inside, her usually wild copper hair styled perfectly. She’s wearing a crop top that clings to her curves, and a pair of skintight jeans that I would never be brave enough to wear. One look at her face and I know she’s up to no good. Her green eyes sparkle with mischief, and a promise of chaos that’s soon to come.
Allie and I are opposites in every way.
She’s bold where I’m quiet, and reckless where I’m cautious. I suppose it’s what makes us such good friends.
“What kind of surprise?” I whisper.
Her grin widens as she pulls a pink bottle from the bag slung across her body. “The liquid kind. And after this, we’re going to The Rusty Nail.”
My stomach drops out beneath me. That’s the most popular bar in Black Hollow Creek. Showing up there would get me in all kinds of trouble if my father found out. What if someone recognizes me? What if they tell my dad? He’ll ground me for life. “Allie?—”
“None of that. I will not accept your excuses tonight. We’re doing something for you. Something that Saint, the preacher’s daughter, wouldn’t do. Somethingnormal.”
Can she read my mind, too? I’ve never been able to talk about wanting to be seen, really seen as me—not just as Pastor James’s daughter.
The older I get, the bigger the urge is tobemore, todomore.
The reminder and the feeling in my gut drive my choice. But first, I have to shove this shame back into a closet in my brain.
I don’t think. I act.
I grab the bottle, bring it to my lips, and take a long gulp. The liquid burns a path of fire down my throat, and I pull it away from my mouth, sputtering and hacking. Lord, have mercy.
“Are you sure that isn’t lighter fluid?” I ask, still trying to swallow against the burn.
She shrugs. “I don’t think so, but then again, I didn’t really read the label. Just grabbed it out of my mom’s bar and left.”Figures.Allie’s been stealing alcohol from her mom since she was thirteen. And every single time, she tries to drag me into her trouble.
“So what’s it going to be?” Allie juts her hip out.
I’ve already decided. “We can go for one hour. That’s it.”
Allie squeals and then wraps her arms around me. “Yes! I’m so glad you’re letting me corrupt you. And who knows—maybe Calder will be there.”
Warmth creeps into my cheeks. “Stop. Be quiet, or we’ll wake my father.”
Allie shakes her head and laughs. “I’m never going to stop. You’ve had a crush on this man for over a year now. Don’t you think it’s time you made a move?”
