As if on cue, he came to stand behind her, putting his strong hands on her shoulders and giving them a light squeeze.
“Are you all right?” His rich tenor wrapped around her, making her feel as cozy as his arms had the night before.
“I’m fine. It must have had something to do with the lavender bath and the human teddy bear I got to snuggle up with in my sleep.”
“Excuse me, Treasure. I’ll have you know that I am a big scary king, not a teddy bear.”
There was little bite to his voice. He wasn’t taking himself seriously at all, and somehow that made him all the more attractive to her.
“Thank you for what you did last night.” She finally turned around and sought out his gaze. “I realize that I completely derailed the reason for your visit with my B.S.”
His gaze fell on her hard, singed with heat, and not the good kind of heat either.
“According to my sister,” he began, “I can present as cold at times.” There was quiet again, and she realized there was some heft to not only what he’d said, but how he’d said it. His voice deep, yet reserved, as if he were trying to sift for the truth in his own words.
“I’m sure your sister knows you much better than I. By my measure, apart from when I told you who I really was, you’ve only ever been kind to me.”
“Perhaps I should keep you around, since you think I’m so wonderful.”
“Was that a not-so-subtle hint at your proposal?”
Her quip gifted her a deep rumble of laughter that made her smile even harder. Bringing him back to this playful side felt like the biggest accomplishment she’d ever achieved.
“Since you brought it up, have you given it more thought?”
Except for when she was telling him about her fight with her sister, she hadn’t thought of anything else. It was ridiculous. It made no sense at all. The problem was, after the care he’d given her last night, she’d wanted more of it. Would he give her more if she said yes? Was that even a risk she could take?
“Regina.” His words drew her out of her own head and lulled her into the wonderful warm place where she felt comfortable and safe. “Despite how short a time we’ve known each other, we make sense. You know it. You’ve felt it just like I have.”
He ran a light hand down her arm, letting his fingers caress her flesh gently. Felt it? She’d done more than feel it. The connection between them had haunted her for four months with relentless repetition. In her lab, out shopping, on the subway, in a cab, thoughts of him and them had burned themselves on the walls of her mind, turning her every which way but loose.
The physical connection had been immediate and undeniable between them. Last night, however, had made her want more than the physical, and that was why this was so scary. She wanted more of him, more of them together, more of the feeling she had when he’d cared for her so intentionally.
“Aléx, I do feel our connection. I just don’t know that it’s enough to carry on a successful marriage. When I dreamed of marriage, I dreamed of love, of a man who would always put me first. I’ve literally spent my life playing second fiddle to someone else. What happens if we get married, and you finally find the love of your life? Do I become an afterthought? Will I be pushed aside to make way for her? Is my only purpose going to be to give you a child? What happens once I’ve fulfilled that?”
“Regina—”
“No,” she interrupted him. “These are real concerns, Aléx. I don’t want to be stuck in a marriage where I’m invisible.”
“You wouldn’t be.” He edged those words in, but she continued as if she hadn’t heard him, because she needed to get all her worries out of her head.
“You’ve already told me that love won’t be a factor. What assurances do I have that I won’t just be the toy you pull out to show the rest of the world just how great you are and then behind the scenes, you barely interact with me? You not falling in sloppy love with me, I can handle. You pushing me to the periphery of your life and acting as if I don’t matter, like I’m invisible and unimportant to you, I don’t think I could live like that. I don’t want my child growing up that way, believing people are disposable once they’ve fulfilled their designated purpose.”
She tapped her acrylic nails against the white marble of the counter, hoping she didn’t sound as desperate to him as she did to herself. He was probably regretting ever asking her at this point.
She was a strong and capable person. She didn’t wallow in her feelings like this. Yet something inside her just couldn’t let this go. Her insecurity about her position in people’s lives had always been her Achilles’ heel. It helped her discern how much effort and energy she gave to people. More importantly, it helped her decide how much of her heart to give.
“Regina.” His voice had softened, smoothing out the rugged edges of her emotions. “As a king, I cannot be led by my emotions. As a man, love has seemed to do more harm than good. It’s more often used as a weapon than a curative.”
She couldn’t rightly argue with him there. By all accounts, her parents were a love match. It was having children that destroyed their relationship. Perhaps if she approached it from the opposite way, maybe it might make for a better outcome.
She took a mental breath, berating herself.
This isn’t an experiment. You can’t science your way into a happy marriage, Regina.
“Love may not be part of our marriage, but care, concern, kindness, and consideration will be. I will take care of you every way I know how. There will never be another woman who comes before you. As my queen, it will be your right to expect that I put you first. As my wife, it will be my utter privilege to give you my devotion in mind, action and body. I promise you, Treasure, you will never doubt where you stand with me.”
Her heart thumped harder in her chest. For a man who didn’t believe in love, his words certainly painted the opposite picture. Because to her, everything he said made her want to fall hard for him.
