“Adam, I can’t deal with this right now. Cindy needs me, and as shaky as things are for her right now, I don’t want to push Vanessa in her face.”
“Cindy needs you?” Adam’s voice went up a note, a tell-tale sign he was about to enlighten the less intelligent people around him. “Why is Cindy a factor in your happiness?”
“Because I ruined hers. How can I flaunt my happiness when I destroyed hers?”
“My G,” Adam said pointedly. If he were here in person, thiswould be the part where he’d open his hand and start ticking off his points with his fingers. “First of all, Cindy is a grown-ass woman. You are not responsible for her happiness. She’s hurt right now, and I applaud you trying to give her the space she needs to get herself together, but she’s smart enough to know you and Vanessa saved her life. And if she’s not, that just proves she was too immature to commit herself to someone, anyway.”
Again with the rationalism when all Michael wanted to do was cling to his illusions that he was doing this for his sister’s sake and not for the scared little boy inside him that crumpled whenever he lost someone. Of course, Adam had a point, he still couldn’t openly agree with him even if he was right.
“Second,” Adam continued, “sacrificing your happiness for someone else is stupid. If you care so deeply about Vanessa, you wouldn’t let anything get in your way. I’m not saying you have to rub Cindy’s nose in it. But damn, man. It’s been two weeks. How much longer are you going to be without the woman you care about to keep your sister happy?”
“Adam, can we please drop this subject?”
“Third, stop being a goddamn martyr.”
“Wait,” Michael interjected. “I’ve never claimed to be any kind of saint.”
“Bullshit, Mike.” Adam’s frankness was getting on his nerves, except for some reason, he couldn’t make himself end the call.
Maybe because he’s telling you something deep down, you know you need to hear.
“The sacrifices you made when Cindy was still a kid made sense. She’s grown now. She’s entitled to find her own path to happiness, and so are you. Come down off that goddamn cross already and let yourself live a little.”
“Adam—” The phone went silent when he spoke his friend’s name. Probably because Adam could hear how pathetic he was even over the phone. “You’re right. Cindy is grown and I should lether live her life. The problem is, even if I wanted Vanessa back, she left me. She doesn’t want me.”
“Nah, man.” His friend’s soothing voice calmed the noise that had been cluttering his mind for the past two weeks. “This ain’t about Cindy and you know it. You’re caught up. Do you realize you’ve referred to Vanessa as someone you care about twice? Don’t let your own fear of losing someone else rob you of someone meaningful in your life. Mr. and Mrs. Park wanted you to find happiness too. Not just Cindy.”
Of that, Michael had no doubt. His parents definitely would’ve given him their blessing to love Vanessa as strongly as he wanted. That didn’t mean he could shake the feeling that he was somehow unworthy of her love, though.
“Adam, I feel like I’m being pulled in different directions. I don’t know what the hell the right thing to do is anymore.”
“You’ll figure it out.” Adam’s support lightened the load on his chest enough that he could take a deep breath. “Just don’t give up on someone who means so much to you without trying to find a solution to the problem. Don’t let this crack in your foundation become a gaping sinkhole.”
Michael’s tired chuckle crossed his lips as a weary smile planted itself on his face. “I didn’t know that fancy PhD you have was in relationship counseling.”
“I’m multitalented like that. I can teach high school calculus and fix your life all at the same time. Iyanla Vanzant ain’t got shit on me.”
Michael couldn’t argue with that. In this instance, his friend was much smarter than him. “Thanks for trying to get me out of my own head, Adam. I appreciate it.”
“No worries,” his friend responded. “Buy me breakfast after our pickup game on Saturday and we’ll call it even.”
“You got it, man.” Michael hung up the phone feeling much lighter than when it rang. He still wasn’t sure what he was going todo. The only thing he knew was that he couldn’t let this continue any longer. He had to make things right.
A few hours later, Michael stepped through his back door and the aroma of Napoli’s Pizza welcomed him home from a long day. Knowing Adam must be in the living room, he headed in that direction, but came to an abrupt stop when he heard his sister’s voice.
“Adam, I don’t see how any of this is your business.”
“Young’un, your brother was my business long before you came along. So, sit down, because you and me need to have a conversation.” The large living room which carried sound all throughout the house was eerily silent and Michael contemplated making his presence known until Adam spoke again.
“Your brother’s hurting. You know that, don’t you, Cindy?”
Cindy let out what sounded like an exhausted breath, and all of Michael’s brotherly instincts wanted to run in there and shield her from Adam’s probing. With Adam’s earlier advice about letting Cindy find her own path still rattling around in his head, his muscles locked in place. Their stiffness rooted him to the floor like the trees in his backyard.
“I know he’s not happy, Adam.” Cindy finally spoke, and the worry tightening the center of his chest loosened a bit. “I know it’s about Vanessa, but he won’t talk to me. Has he said anything to you?”
“We had a brief conversation earlier today. He’s worried about you. You’re always his first priority. Yet this time, I feel like he’s using his devotion to you as an excuse not to reach for more with Vanessa. I know things might be uncomfortable at first; the situation is definitely awkward. You just have to ask yourself, would you really be that upset by the two of them getting together?” There was a softness to Adam’s voice that Michael heard only when Adam was talking to someone he cared for. Be it his friends, family, or students,when he needed to explain some uncomfortable truths, the man had a talent for meeting you where you were to get you to open up.
Michael didn’t know if that would work with Cindy. Especially since he’d seen stronger people fall under Adam’s spell. What was worse, Michael didn’t know if he wanted to hear her answer. If she didn’t mind, he’d have no excuse not to go after Vanessa other than the fact that he was afraid.
