Camden could see a spark in Elijah’s eyes. Confusion or curiosity, at this point Camden couldn’t tell which, mixed in with just a touch of sadness. He waited for Elijah to speak, to fill the gap of silence that appeared to be widening by the minute. But he said nothing, just continued to stare at Camden with his penetrating gaze.
He could feel the warmth of their intimacy being stolen from the room. He grieved its recession and snuggled closer to Elijah to reclaim it. “Please, don’t ruin this moment by making me talk about this. The only thing I want is to stay present in the now.”
Elijah’s gaze softened as he rubbed a gentle thumb over Camden’s lips. It was a simple gesture meant to do nothing more than comfort Camden. But the reassuring touch made him feel whole, as if his broken parts were being carefully sewn back together.
“You will always have a choice with me.” Elijah pressed his lips against Camden’s, then enfolded him into eager arms. Lying there, with his head on Elijah’s chest, listening to the lull of his strong heartbeat, Camden understood, for the first time in his life, what it was to just be yourself with no expectation attached to it. Camden wrapped his arms around Elijah’s frame and snuggled deeper into the embrace. He had to savor it now. Once this was all over, there was no telling when Camden would get the chance to experience this again.
“A-YO,Cam, you coming?”
Camden blinked at the sound of Emmanuel’s booming voice calling his name. He’d been staring in the bathroom mirror after their shower for what seemed like an eternity. Uncertain what he was looking for, he just knew something was different.
He’d spent two days in Elijah’s family’s presence, and in that time he’d broken his father’s cardinal rule.No one needs to know the truth but you.
He’d been trained by the best in evasive maneuvers during questioning. Yet standing with Elijah at his kitchen sink and later on in the garage apartment, he’d spilled everything inside his head and his heart, simply because the man touching him asked for the truth.
Camden and Elijah showered together and dressed before leaving their oasis. Elijah had gone ahead inside the living room while Camden excused himself to the bathroom upstairs just to process the new developments in his connection with Elijah. He couldn’t hide forever, since Elijah’s mother had caught him halfway up the stairs upon his hasty exit and told him the family was about to watch a movie.
He’d already been on edge from his emotional exchange with Elijah. But hearing Evelyn use the word “family” and knowing she was including him in that number made Camden’s already raw nerves cringe with overstimulation.
Fifteen minutes later, Camden was still trying to figure out how he could bow out gracefully. A feigned headache, perhaps? Maybe just plain old-fashion exhaustion would suffice? He shook his head, knowing Elijah would see through any excuse he made.
Camden inhaled slowly through his nose and let the calming breath escape through his pursed lips. He squared his shoulders, gave himself a nod, and resigned himself to feeling awkward and uncomfortable for the next few hours. He had no other choice. Elijah would know he was full of shit if Camden begged off family time. But worse, he’d be let down by Camden’s refusal. As long as he lived, Camden knew he never wanted to cause disappointment to cloud Elijah’s eyes again.
Camden made his way downstairs and stopped just short of walking inside the family room. The lights were low as the previews had already begun, and Elijah’s family had already taken their seats. Elijah’s parents were sitting together in the loveseat facing the large, flat-screen mounted above the fireplace. Emmanuel and Vivienne cuddled together on one sofa pushed against the wall, and Elijah stretched out on the remaining sofa on the opposite wall. The only other places available were the two armchairs positioned on either side of the fireplace. But they were facing away from the screen, and he wouldn’t be able to watch the movie from that position.
Maybe this was his out? Perhaps the lack of available seating could serve as his excuse to hide in Elijah’s bedroom. But just as Cam decided to escape, Evelyn caught sight of him in the doorway.
“Oh, there you are, Camden. The movie’s just about to start. Get on in here.”
He tried to paste a pleasant smile on his face but wasn’t sure he’d accomplished that when he caught Evelyn narrowing her eyes. Too afraid to draw more attention to himself, Camden decided the obvious solution to the problem was to sit on the floor in front of the sofa where Elijah stretched out.
Camden had just nestled himself into a semicomfortable position when Elijah’s breath warmed his neck. “You sure you’re comfortable down there? This movie is over two hours long, Camden.”
A cool shiver spilled down Camden’s back as he thought about Elijah’s question. The carpet provided some cushion, but not enough that his recently reamed ass wouldn’t notice how hard the floor was during a two-hour stretch of sitting on the floor. But what was the alternative? Unless….
“The couch is big enough for the two of us.”
Camden looked across the room to where Elijah’s brother and sister-in-law were stretched out against the length of the couch, positioned front to back with their legs entangled, and panic struck him. Is that what Elijah expected them to do? Yes, the couch was huge. It had to be custom-made to leave space for anyone else once Elijah lay on it. But as he gave it a quick glance, he could see where the two of them could fit if they positioned themselves in similar fashion to Emmanuel and Vivienne.
Camden swallowed; the thought of being pressed against Elijah’s flesh that way made him reconsider Elijah’s offer. Getting aroused in front of Elijah’s family wasn’t his idea of a good time at all.
“Cam, come on.”
He imagined every eye in the room was on him even though a quick scan told Camden everyone except he and Elijah was staring at the screen.Don’t make this weird, Camden. You just spent the last hour making love to this man. Why should sharing space with him induce panic?
Camden knew the answer to that as sure as he knew his own name. Those moments inside Elijah’s hideaway were magical, something shared between the two of them. This, sitting here with Elijah’s family consuming mindless entertainment, this was real. They had manufactured all the moments they’d shared in front of the Stephensons to keep up the lie they were a couple. But now, even though Camden did not know whether he and Elijah would ever have the chance to become an official couple, the intimacy was no longer a lie.
You can do this.Camden nodded his head, conceding to Elijah’s request and stood up. Elijah repositioned himself on the couch so he lay on his side, making room for Camden to slip in front of him. It was strange. The simple move caused both panic and enticement in Camden. Everything in him wanted to be right there cuddled up with Elijah, but the uncertainty of his future, of their future together, gave Camden pause.
For these last few days, he’d played a role for the Stephensons. The only problem that remained was Camden soon realized he didn’t want it to be just a role any longer. He was enjoying the closeness he and Elijah were embarking upon. He was enjoying the space the Stephensons made for the man they believed to be Elijah’s significant other. But they’d leave by tomorrow evening, and he and Elijah would presumably return to their actual roles of disgruntled cop and annoying ADA. Or worse, Elijah would press Camden for a commitment he wasn’t certain he could make.
“Camden?”
Concern tinted Elijah’s voice as he looked up at Camden. The way he said Camden’s name, the softness that surrounded the one word, made it seem hallowed, necessary—words Camden had never associated with his own existence before. Hearing it made his heart ache just a little. Here he was with the man of his dreams, being accepted by that man’s family, and because of Camden’s crazy work life and problematic familial obligations, he might not get to make these moments last beyond this case.Life really sucks sometimes.
Camden took the space Elijah had made for him, holding his breath as he pressed himself against the front of Elijah’s strong body. It wasn’t until Elijah draped his arm over Camden’s waist and tugged them closer together that Camden released the breath he’d been holding. He’d been afraid to openly share this kind of intimacy with Elijah, afraid the ruse would be too painful to bear. But the comfort that enveloped him as Elijah’s heat cocooned them melted any fear that tried to steal the pleasure of the moment.
Camden took a deep breath as he settled in front of Elijah, letting his warmth chase the chill of fear away. They were in a room full of Elijah’s family, and somehow, this moment, this seemingly benign act of sharing a seat in front of the TV was so intimate. Camden had taken part in a lot of sex in his time. But intimacy wasn’t something he often engaged in, well, except for the times he and Elijah shared together. Both were more than sex, they were intimate, touching Camden in a way he wasn’t prepared for then or now. But as every part of him relaxed into Elijah’s embrace, Camden couldn’t help but realize the shared intimacy of this moment, even as it played out in front of Elijah’s family, didn’t bother him at all. No, the intimacy was perfect. The fear of losing it was what held him on edge.
