“There’s no valid reason to explain away my presence in your hospital room. I just knew I had to get to you. Even with so much time passing between us, even knowing you would probably send me away, I still had to be there.”
“Why?” Camden lowered his eyes again in response to Elijah’s question. Elijah placed a single finger under Camden’s chin and lifted until their gazes were level again.
“Because I was afraid you’d die, and I’d never have the chance to tell you how much that one night with you meant.”
The longing and regret Elijah saw in Camden’s gaze pulled at his heart, making his need to protect Camden sit in the middle of his chest like deadweight. He leaned forward, placing gentle hands on either side of Camden’s face, and pressed a soft kiss on the man’s mouth.
The kiss was tentative, and part of Elijah hated that. They’d wasted so much time. Five years after their first night together and they were still at the stage where liberties couldn’t be taken, where Elijah didn’t know for certain that his advances would be welcomed or rejected. But the satisfying moan that seemed to come from somewhere deep inside Camden led Elijah to believe the kiss was something they both desired.
When Elijah tried to pull away, Camden wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed Elijah with fierce intention. The hard press of their lips, the excitement of strong fingers touching him, the satisfying moans of pleasure wafting into the air all reassured Elijah both of them desired this moment.
The heat of anticipation burned through Elijah’s system as Camden deepened the kiss. It overran his senses with the taste of Camden’s mouth and the feel of his body pressed so closely against his. If they were in this house alone, that wouldn’t have been much of a problem. But getting lost in the delicious taste of Camden’s tongue wasn’t something Elijah could afford with his entire family positioned throughout his house.
With deliberate moves, Elijah gentled their kisses, pulling away from Camden.
“I swear to God, Elijah, if you push me away again, I won’t be responsible for what I do.”
Elijah smiled, leaning in to place another quick peck on Camden’s lips. “I have no intention of pushing you away again. I just don’t want my mama to walk in on us ripping each other’s clothes off at my kitchen sink.”
Camden nodded in agreement. “As much as your mother seems to love me, I don’t think she wants to see that, either. Upstairs, then?”
Elijah shook his head. “No, I’ve got a better idea. Follow me.”
Elijah extended his hand to Camden and waited for him to accept it. The moment Camden took to place his palm against Elijah’s might have been a source of concern if Elijah hadn’t seen blazing desire coupled with resolute decisiveness in Camden’s gaze. He wanted Elijah—that much had been true the first night they’d met. But tonight, as Camden intertwined careful fingers with his, Elijah could see in the depths of his eyes that for the first time in five years, he was choosing Elijah.
“Lead the way, Lieutenant.”
Chapter Seventeen
CAMDENheld Elijah’s hand. Partly to follow Elijah’s lead, but mostly because he wanted to hold on to the magic of the moment they’d created in that kitchen.
Camden recognized the spark when Elijah pulled him into his powerful embrace. From the first time he’d encountered Elijah to now, it was there. It was strong, clutching at his heart, stoking a fire Camden had struggled to smother all this time.
Back then, the excitement was about experiencing something new with a man that ticked all of Camden’s boxes, all except the one his parents would insist be checked off. But tonight, Camden knew what to expect. He’d relived every moment in his head and heart during their separation. What was new was the hope that this moment could extend itself beyond the satisfaction Camden knew he and Elijah would gift to each other.
A short walk through the mudroom and they were walking through a connecting door into what Camden assumed was a garage. Only after Elijah turned the lights on did Camden see this space wasn’t a garage at all. It was fashioned into a one-room studio. A kitchen area in the back and an open space that doubled as both a living room and a bedroom at once.
The space was bathed in tranquil deep blue hues that invited you to sit down and rest for a while. An offer Camden intended to take full advantage of for as long as Elijah allowed.
“When I was working on rebuilding my body in rehab after my attack, my therapist suggested I work on rebuilding my confidence too.” The quiet sound of Elijah’s voice was small and so fragile, like a delicate, breakable thing that needed the utmost care. Camden’s heart raced with concern as he stepped closer to offer his unspoken support. “She told me to find a space I could be safe enough to be weak. I’d thought of renting this space out when I moved in, or even leaving it empty for visiting family members. But the day I got my approval to return to work, I knew I needed to find someplace to be as broken as my mind told me I was.”
Elijah must have seen the questions forming on Camden’s face, because he held up a single finger to stop him from speaking, and pulled Camden farther inside. He motioned for Camden to take a seat next to him on the large daybed sitting in the center of the room.
“Why did getting your clearance for active duty papers make you feel weak?”
Elijah kept hold of Camden’s hand, stroking it before returning his gaze to Camden’s face. “There’s only been two instances where I’ve been caught off guard. The first was when I met you. Everything from the way we connected, to the way you took off in the morning left me shocked and uncomfortable. As good as my instincts were, they seemed to be completely wrong about you, and my expectations of what that night would be.”
“And the second?” Camden’s question met with a weary smile from Elijah. It was a look Camden wasn’t familiar with. It made him feel awkward and out of place, as if there was no space for him in whatever moment Elijah seemed to revisit.
“The second was the night of my attack. I’m always meticulous in my job, Camden. I knew all the angles, every single time I walked into a bad situation while undercover. But that night, somehow the tweakers who ended up almost killing me hadn’t made me uneasy enough to be on my guard. I thought I could handle them. They were just meth-heads. It wasn’t until I woke up in a hospital bed, clinging to a very thin thread, I realized how wrong I was. And from that moment, I had to question if I really knew as much as I thought I did. Was I really the baddest cop on the block?”
Camden sat quietly, not pushing Elijah to say more, but hoping his presence would provide comfort and encourage him to continue sharing his thoughts.
“When you left that night…. It was the first time I questioned my worth. It was the first time I wondered if I wasn’t enough. When I got attacked, it was the first time I questioned if I was enough to get the job done.”
“Then why take this case, Elijah?”
Elijah shook his head as he turned to face Camden. “My captain assigned me this case. I didn’t choose it.”
