5
“N one of this is making sense to me either, Oshun.” She felt his gaze weigh on her as he watched her stand up and slip into a smooth rhythm, pacing back and forth. He stood up and fell into rhythm alongside her as he continued the conversation. “I can’t speak for Aesop, but Izzy has been loyal to me, and to my family, since we were kids. You on the other hand have been lying to me since you met me.”
His words and proximity halted her motion, making her tilt her head back slowly to gaze up at him. She’d always loved the fact he was taller, his wide shoulders and chest making her feel protected and secure every time he held her. But, standing here now, the near-closed slits of his eyes coupled with the flat line of his mouth made her tremble with a strange mixture of fear and desire.
Get your shit together, Oshun. This is your territory. You are Brooklyn born, Brooklyn strong. No man can take that from you.
Committed to holding her footing in this conversation, she crossed her arms against her chest. Glaring at him, she pushed the uncertainty plaguing her down into the pit of her stomach.
“Exactly what did you expect me to say, Mas? Hello, my name is Oshun and I run a crime syndicate that’s determined to destroy yours.”
She threw up her hands in frustration, walked away from him, and resumed her pacing. Movement helped her think, and more than ever she needed her brain power to kick in.
“I just don’t buy it,” he said. “Why would you move in with me when you already suspected I was involved with the Yakuza? It doesn’t make sense.”
His voice was distant, almost quiet. She couldn’t tell if he were talking to her, or directing his question to himself. It wasn’t until she turned around and saw the distinct blend of anger and hurt blazing in his eyes that she understood he wanted an answer from her.
“My intel on you came back clean. And the truth is, I wanted to believe you were clean. I wanted to forget about my business life for once and focus on how good it felt to be with you.”
And it had felt good. The truth, being with Masaki, being treasured, being treated as if she were something precious and meaningful, quieted the screams of her sins in the dark of night. Being with him made her forget about the ugly blemishes on her soul.
She’d known better, but she would’ve done anything to keep that feeling, even lie to herself about the possibility of who Masaki was.
“I knew allowing myself to become deeply involved with you was a bad idea, but I didn’t care. It didn’t matter as long as I got to be with you.”
She watched him step carefully toward her. When he reached her, he stood quietly looking down at her. His proximity made her uneasy. She wasn’t sure if it was because he was a threat to her, or if it was because he was close enough for her to smell the woodsy fragrance of his aftershave.
The mild, but spicy aroma called to her, making her want to lean in and bury her nose in the strong curve of his neck. She shook her head attempting to clear it, but breaking free of the hold he had on her seemed impossible.
“Why would being with me matter that much to you, Oshun?” He pulled a hand from his pocket, lifting a single finger, using it to slide away an errant lock that fell over her eye. “You’ve fought me from day one. Why was it so important to be with me now?”
She tried to dip her head, to break free from him gaze. But, he lifted her chin with his finger, keeping their eyes locked together, demanding she answer his question.
“Because even though getting close to you was a bad idea, the thought of being without you made me ache.”
He cupped his hand around the back of her neck and pulled her closer to him. The firm grip keeping her excited yet apprehensive at the same time.
You never let an enemy get this close to you. She knew this. She had the means to defend herself resting at the small of her back. But even with this knowledge, she still went willingly to him.
“You’re right. This was a bad idea.”
His words pulled a heavy sigh from her chest. He was right. She’d echoed those same words only moments before. However, hearing them cross his lips, hearing them from the man who’d always had endless hope where their relationship was concerned, felt like a heated, sharpened blade slicing through her heart.
She cleared her throat as she stepped away from him. Closing her eyes tightly to hold back the emotions she knew were clouding them, she took a calming breath.
“We can figure out this personal shit later, Mas. Right now, we gotta get outta here.”
“As far as I’m concerned, it’s settled,” he answered, making her heart sink even further inside her chest.
“Agreed,” she answered. He’d made his decision, and she couldn’t blame him. There was no sense in focusing on the obvious. There was no way they could continue being lovers, not with warring criminal enterprises to consider. “What’s the plan now, Mas?”
He pointed to himself as he shook his head. “You’re seriously asking me? You started this bullshit, and now it’s my job to fix it?”
“I’m not sure what you mean, Masaki.” Yes, she’d been the first to attack. But, he’d been the first to show aggression by moving into her territory without showing the slightest bit of deference to her and her people.
“You know, I extended an invitation to you months ago. I had Izzy find out the lay of the land, and he connected with your boy ‘Sop. If you’d just agreed to the first meeting, where I offered you a very lucrative cut for access to your streets, none of this would’ve happened.”
He threw his hand in the air in marked exasperation. A gesture she was finding hard to understand considering his plan had been to take over her community.
