This is a gift from a friend, Summer. Nothing more.
Somehow, the way he calls himself afrienddoesn’t sit right with me. The word feels like a door closing softly. I sigh. I guess I’ll have to send some pastries over to the firehouse today, just to thank a friend.
The bell jingles, and Penny walks in, the smell of peppermint and winter following her. She tried asking about Ethan at dinner yesterday, but I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it. The look in her eyes now tells me she’s heard something.
“Hey, bestie,” she says, walking over to hug me.
“Hey, BFF.” I smile, hugging her back. Her scarf is still cold from the outside air, and the touch grounds me.
She pulls away and glances at the big box with the red bow.“What’s that?”
I shrug.“Ethan and Jude saw me at the store yesterday, and I guess they figured out I didn’t have enough money for a tree for the shop. This morning, I found that outside with a note.”
I hand her the note, and she reads it.“Ethan?”
I nod.
“You don’t look happy about it.” She takes off her coat and sits at the counter while I start her coffee.
“I… it’s just…” I turn to her. I don’t want to lie to her too.“I guess I messed up.” I sigh.
“What happened, Summer?”
So I tell her everything that happened.
“Oh, Summer.” Penny takes my hand in hers, her eyes soft.“I think you’re still in survival mode… You’re out of the storm, the sun is shining, but you can’t see it because the umbrella you hold above your head to protect you from the rain keeps you from seeing it…” Penny shakes her head and laughs nervously.“Does that make sense?”
She asks, and I know she’s right.
“I understand.” I swallow hard, my throat thick.
“Summer,” she continues.“You’re not with the people who hurt you anymore. You left those. You’re surrounded by people who love you for you now. Those people don’t deserve to be punished for mistakes they don’t own…”
I know she’s right. I let my fear take over.
“I screwed up.” I shake my head, a fist squeezing my heart at the memory of how I treated Ethan this morning.
“Just because you never experienced that kind of good and healthy love doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.” Penny searches my eyes, and I feel a tear slip free.
“Look, if you don’t like Ethan like that…” she says.
I shake my head.“Ethan is perfect…” I whisper.
Penny smiles, a knowing curve that feels like sunlight through glass.“Well then, to quote something a very wise and beautiful woman told me months ago, don’t let Kevin, your mom, and all those cold bastards you grew up around steal this from you too. You already gave them too much. Time to take your power back.”
I nod.“I’ll think about it,” I promise her.
CHAPTER 15
Summer
One week has gone by since I told Ethan I just wanted to be friends.
One painfully slow, silent week.
No more notes on my pillow.
No good-night texts.
