If this doesn’t go our way… this may be the last week I have with Ethan.
My stomach plummets. My chest aches so hard it feels bruised. The thought of leaving him, of walking out of this house, out of his arms, out of the life we’ve barely begun to build, nearly knocks the breath out of me.
God, please…Let us stay here.
Don’t take this away from us.
Don’t take me away from him.
CHAPTER 30
Summer
New Year’s has come and gone, and even though the entire Hawthorne family spent the night trying to make me laugh, Cas in a ridiculous glitter hat, Jace setting off fireworks far too close to the barn, Grace shrieking every time one whistled overhead, I spent the final minutes of the year holding back tears. Holding Mia. Holding every last prayer I had left.
At midnight, I wished, for the first time in a long time, that I could start this new year the same way I wanted to end it: here, in this town, in this family, with my daughter and the man I love. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to run ever again. But if Kevin wins…
Mia will go back to the same house that broke me piece by piece.
And I will burn before I let that happen to her.
I smooth down the braid I just finished, my fingers lingering in her soft, warm hair. I take her in like I’m memorizing her, because a part of me is terrified this is the last morning I’ll get to braid her hair in this kitchen, with sunlight filtering through the window and the scent of coffee still clinging to the air.
“Mommy…” Her small voice wobbles, and those blue eyes I love more than air fill with tears.“What if they make me go live with Daddy? Can’t you come too?”
The words punch straight through my ribs. Hard. Because she isn’t wrong. She’s four, but she already understands what adults pretend not to see.
If the judge sides with Kevin…
I know exactly what I’ll have to do.
If Mia ends up with him, I’ll go too. I’ll lose Lander. Lose the Hawthornes. Lose Ethan. I’ll have to put my old mask back on, cold, polished, untouchable. The perfect Montgomery wife. I’ll survive for Mia. I’ll smile when I’m breaking. I’ll count the years until she goes to college. And then I’ll come back to this town and steal back whatever pieces of myself Kevin manages to take.
But I won’t get Ethan back.
I know that like I know my own name.
He’ll move on. He deserves someone who doesn’t come with scars that still bleed.
My heart aches at the thought of leaving him, an ache so deep it feels carved into bone. Ethan owns parts of me I didn’t even know existed. My heart, my soul, every soft place inside me…his. Even if I never see him again.
I pull Mia closer until our foreheads touch. Her breath is warm against my lips.“Mommy will never leave you,” I whisper, my voice thick and aching.“Wherever they take you, I’ll be right there. Always.”
Her eyes go wide. Hope flickers bright and fragile.
“Pwomise, Mommy?”
I give her the strongest smile I can manage and hold out my pinky.“I pinky swear.”
Her tiny finger curls around mine, warm and trusting.
And God help Kevin if he tries to break that.
???
I don’t think I’ve ever been this cold.
Not physically, the courtroom is warm, vents humming above us, but inside my chest. The kind of cold that settles deep and refuses to thaw. My fingers won’t unclench in my lap no matter how many times I try. My attorney keeps whispering that I’m doing great, but all I can hear is the judge’s pen tapping against the folder in front of him.
