“I have to do something.”
“Let’s go back to the building and regroup.”
I shook my head. It would feel like I failed if I did. But I could go to his place and wait there. It wasn’t the same. I’d be surrounded by his scent, by his things. Not everything was moved into my place, just what he’d needed.
“His apartment,” I told Oleander.
“Okay.”
After holstering the gun, I put the bike in motion again, not giving a shit about making an illegal turn. Oleander was behind me, like I knew he would be. He was a better friend than I deserved. Only he would let me nearly choke him and still have my back. Then again, he was one of the few people who truly knew and understood me. Oleander never judged me, didn’t tell me I was overreacting, or try to soothe my worries. The person I loved was gone, and I had no fucking clue where he was.
I pulled into the alley behind Hartley’s studio and killed the engine. The door to Forest’s apartment was still closed, no alarm had been triggered. If it had, we would have known. I could be closer to him by setting foot inside. Forest made the place his own. Every inch of it was touched by him.
Before I could reach the bottom step leading to the apartment, Lane and Raiden ran toward us.
“It was faster than driving,” Lane said.
“We’re here with you for the duration,” Raiden told us. “Whatever you need, you have us. Jordan is staying home with his family, but we’re the next best thing. All communication will come to us and you.”
I nodded, emotion trying to take over. There was no way that was going to happen. If I broke, I didn’t think I’d be able to put the pieces together when I needed to. So I choked that shit down and blinked back the tears burning my eyes.
Raided stepped up to me, his eyes meeting mine. “You know I won’t lie to you. We’ll get him back alive. There’s no other option. Do you hear me?”
If there was anyone in the building I was friends with outside of Oleander, it was Raiden. No, we weren’t overly close. I wasn’t that way with anyone but my best friend. Having Jordan’s second-in-command here didn’t hurt either. Lane was smart as hell, more than most gave him credit for. He’d lived the mafia life since he was born. He might not have been raised to take over, but he paid attention.
“I don’t like it out here,” Oleander muttered.
“Inside,” Lane said, taking over. I let him. Someone had to run this shitshow, and I wasn’t in any position to. I would have kept driving around the city without a destination in sight.
We climbed the stairs with me in the front. I unlocked the door, thanking myself for having put the key to the apartment with my others. The alarm was deactivated next. However, I froze only a few feet into the home. It wasn’t that there was anyone here. There was no threat. It was the memories that hit me like a brick wall.
My knees gave out, bringing me to the floor. Forest should be here with us.
Oleander dropped down in front of me.
“It’s cold in here,” I whispered brokenly. “Forest gave it warmth. Without him here…”
“Do you think he’s out there worried you’re losing your shit right now? No. He’s damn sure you’re trying to find him so you can kill the motherfuckers who took him. Pull yourself together, Sheldon. Now’s not the damn time.”
“Ollie,” Lane warned.
“No. You don’t know Sheldon like I do. He needs this. Don’t you?” he asked me. Then his voice softened. “You lost yourself in sorrow for a moment there, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” I barely got out.
“The trauma of our pasts doesn’t ever leave. It’s not the same situation you’re in now, but you still lost someone you love. The difference is, we’ll get him back. We can’t do that when you give up the fight.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“None of us do, but we’re here. You’re not alone.”
“Damn right,” Raiden added. “We’ve got your back.”
“While I don’t agree with your tough love approach, you’re right that I don’t know him like you do,” Lane stated. “I still think that could have been a tad gentler.”
“Fuck you,” Oleander said without any bite. “Get up, Shel. We have to be ready to leave as soon as we know something. You don’t belong down here. Not when this is happening. Your boyfriend is out there, waiting for you to find him.”
“Fiancé.”
