“Perfect. She’s perfect,” she says with a soft smile.
I glance at Nadya, fast asleep, peaceful and unaware of the world that’s already broken around her.
“Yes,” I whisper. “She really is.”
I ask the nanny to give us a few minutes alone with my niece, and she quietly slips out. I stand over the crib, my heart in pieces, wondering what kind of life waits for my niece now.
This is so fucking unfair.
Nadya was supposed to have everything. ABratvaprincess like her should have everything.
And now… what kind of life will she have without a mother…and, by the looks of it, without a father either?
“Fuck,” I curse, wiping fresh tears from my eyes.
Stella steps in close, sliding under my arm just to hold me. “It’s okay,” she says softly. “Nadya will be okay,” she repeats, as if perfectly in tune with all my worrisome thoughts.
“Will she?” I ask quietly, not nearly as convinced.
“She’s a Petrov,” Stella reminds me, brushing the hair away from my eyes. “She has you. She has Kostya and Sasha. She has Frankie, who will dote on her endlessly. She has love, Kill. That will be enough.”
My gaze locks on my niece, a bitter mix of grief and fear twisting in my chest. “She doesn’t have Elena. She doesn’t have Misha.”
“That’s not entirely true.” Stella shakes her head patiently. “She may not have Elena, but you’ll all make sure she grows up knowing exactly the kind of woman her mother was. You will all remind her every day how deeply Elena loved her. And as for Misha…” She exhales softly. “He will be a father to her. He just needs time to grieve. Give him some grace, Kill. It may take a while, but he’ll wake up one day and see that his daughter needs him.”
“I hope you’re right.”
“I know I am. Family is everything to your brother. He won’t forsake his own child. Not when Elena gave her life bringing her into this world.”
That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.
That Misha will never truly love Nadya the way she deserves because every time he looks at her, all he’ll see is the wife he lost.
I shove those thoughts away and let myself sink into the quiet perfection of my niece.
“Do you…” Stella hesitates beside me. “Do you want kids?”
My knee jerk reaction is to say yes if she’s the one giving them to me, but I catch myself in time.
Even though Stella’s been with me these last few days, we haven’t spoken about us or our relationship. Grief has taken the front seat in everything.
So I go with the truth instead.
“Honestly, after raising Kostya, I was a little put off by the whole idea of having kids,” I say, trying to lighten the tension in the air, but it all sounds hollow. “I’m not sure the life I lead is safe to bring a child into. But if children were meant to be in my future… I wouldn’t say no, either. I suppose it all depends on who I had them with.” I hold her gaze. “What about you? Have you ever thought about kids?”
Stella looks away from me and back to Nadya. “I don’t think I ever wanted children,” she admits quietly. “I used to think they’d be too much of a burden. But now…” Her voice softens. “Now I think I don’t want them because of how we live. There’s too much danger in our world. I don’t think I could do my job right if I was always terrified for their safety.” She swallows. “Look at Nadya. She’s so small. So perfect. The thought of anyone hurting her…” Her jaw tightens. “It sets my blood on fire.”
My heart swells at the way Stella is already so protective of Nadya.
That has to mean something. Right?
I lean over the crib and press a gentle kiss to Nadya’s cheek, while Stella brushes her tiny hand with featherlight care, careful not to wake her.
“Come,milaya,” I tell her, threading my fingers through Stella’s. “I’ve had enough sorrow for one day. I need a little hope to carry me through.”
She doesn’t resist as I lead her from the nursery and down the hall. When we step into my bedroom, my hands find herwaist without hesitation. Stella looks up at me as if she’d gladly lose herself in my eyes if I let her.
“Is this okay?” I whisper, lowering my lips to the curve of her neck.
