It’s Kostya.
“The fuck?!” he snaps as I shove past him, tearing through every room in the penthouse, looking for his brother.
“Where is he?!” I shout, furious that Kirill could hijack my induction, hijack my thoughts, my dreams, my heart, and not even have the courtesy to stay afterward and speak to me. “I’m serious, Kostya! I will flip this whole apartment upside down if you don’t tell me right now where your brother is!”
“He’s gone, Stella! Okay? He’s fucking gone!” Kostya yells back, looking just as manic as I feel.
“What do you mean he’s gone? Gone where?”
Kostya stares at me for a long pause, then drops onto the couch, no longer looking as heated. He drags both hands through his hair before finally answering. “Russia. Kirill went back to Russia.”
My knees buckle, and I sink down beside him. “Russia? But why would he—”
“Do you really need to ask?” Kostya cuts in, his tone sharp and accusing. “You broke his fucking heart, Red. What did you expect him to do?”
My mind goes foggy as I replay every word I said to Kirill this afternoon. But nothing I could have said explains why he’d leave the country without so much as a goodbye.
“I don’t understand,” I whisper, my fury evaporating, leaving only numbness. “He came to my house. He came to my induction. He looked fine. He looked—”
“Like a man clinging to the hope that you’d come back to him?”
“You know, it’s really fucking annoying when you don’t let people finish their sentences,” I grumble.
“Yeah, well, I’m not the one in love with you, so excuse me if I don’t give a shit.”
“Ouch. I remember you being the nice one,” I joke halfheartedly.
“And I am. Just not to the woman who broke my brother’s heart,” he counters, leveling me with yet another scathing look.
“I get it, Kostya. I made your shit list. Can you just give me a second to process your brother leaving the country before you tear me a new one? Please?”
“Don’t give me ideas,” he mutters, leaning back on the sofa with his hands behind his head and his legs kicked out in front of him.
I sit there in silence, staring into nothing, trying to make sense of what could’ve driven Kirill away.
Aside from you always pushing him away, you mean?
Great. Now even my conscience sounds like Kostya.
“I’ve never seen my brother like that,” Kostya says after a long stretch of silence. “Nothing has ever affected Kill like the day you broke things off with him. He was a shell of himself. Then days passed and he pretended he was fine, but I could tell he was suffering. Whenever he thought I wasn’t looking, there was this despair on his face…like someone had physically torn his heart out of his chest.” He shakes his head, jaw tight. “Seeing Kill like that… Jesus, Stella, what the fuck were you thinking? I was rooting for you. Really rooting for you two, and you go off and do some stupid-ass shit like break his heart. I don’t thinkI’ve ever hated anyone more than my brother Sasha, but you? You got real close, I can tell you that much.”
Tears sting my eyes as I stare down at my trembling hands. Kostya’s description of Kirill’s pain mirrors my own so perfectly that it’s like we’re the same person.
But we’re not the same person. I’m the only coward in this relationship.
“I got scared,” I confess on a half-whisper.
“Yeah, well, isn’t that what love is all about? Being terrified out of your fucking mind and doing it anyway? I thought you had more balls than that, Red. Sad to see I was wrong.”
I don’t argue. I just sit there, taking Kostya’s verbal beating because, God help me, I deserve it.
“Is he… is he going to come back?” I stammer, nervous to hear his reply.
“What do you care?”
“I care.” I snap my head toward him. “I care, okay?!” I repeat, voice cracking as tears blur my vision. “I… care…a lot. Too much. I fucking care. Don’t ever question that I don’t, because…because…” and that’s all I can manage to say before I break down in an endless ocean of tears.
“Oh fuck,” Kostya mutters under his breath, before wrapping an arm around me and pulling me against him.
