But even I know that’s a lie. Just one of the many I tell myself.
Starting with the idea that maybe Kirill has forgotten about me already. Maybe he’s moved on, just like I wanted him to. But again, I’m nothing more than a liar. If Kirill wasn’t still hurting, he would’ve shown his face at the riverboat by now.
No. To see me would be torture for him. Especially if he saw me like this, all broken and twisted up inside.
Tomorrow I’ll put my mask back on. Tomorrow I’ll be the Stella everyone expects me to be.
I’ll give myself just this night. Just one more night to wallow in my misery. But when the sun comes up tomorrow and the Salvatore mansion fills with my father’s guests, I’ll put on my mask and let everyone see that the Stella who was worthy of being inducted is alive and well. That she will thrive now that she’smade. That she will once again be… happy.
Even if it’s all a lie.
Even if inside I’m dying.
Even if that Stella no longer exists.
These are the thoughts ruminating in my mind when I hear the door to my bedroom creak open.
“Anna,” I call out from under the covers, wondering if my sister is back from working at the soup kitchen. “Is that you?”
“It’s me,piccolina,” I hear my mother whisper as she slowly pulls the covers away from my face, a new line of worry etched around her eyes.
Before greeting her, I quickly throw a glance out the window and see nothing but a starless sky. My stomach drops instantly.
“Hi, Mom.”
She smiles at me lovingly, then looks down at my bed.
“Are you too old for me to slip inside with you?”
I answer by lifting the covers. She quickly kicks off her heels before sliding in beside me. I don’t know why I do it, but I rest my head on her lap, as she leans her back against the headboard. Her fingers immediately find my hair, brushing through each strand with soft, motherly affection.
“May I ask you something?”
My body tenses, and she feels it instantly.
“I promise it’s not about Ki—” she stops herself and breathes. “I mean… can I ask you for a favor?”
“A favor?”
“Mhm.” She nods, gifting me a warm smile. “Tomorrow is a big day, Stella. A huge accomplishment for you, being the firstwoman to ever take theomertà, and I was wondering…” She trails off, suddenly looking nervous.
“What were you wondering?” I raise a brow, tilting my head back to look at her.
“Well, I was wondering…if you’ll allow it, that is…well…if it would be okay if I… if I came to your ceremony?”
“You want to be at the ceremony?” I echo, completely floored.
“Yes. Very much. Is that… is that okay?”
I swallow dryly, staring at my mother as if she’s just grown a second head.
“But I thought you were against it? That you didn’t want this life for me?”
“May we speak frankly? Be honest with our feelings for a little bit?”
I nod.
“I think that you’ve reached a point in your life where you might understand my reasoning better. Why your ambitions have always frightened me. Any loving mother would fear their child choosing a life like this. I love you all with my whole heart, and the thought of losing any of you…” Her voice breaks. “Well… that is a pain no mother should ever face. No wife, either.”
