Something inside him snaps.
“Stella.” His hands move to my shoulders, shaking me lightly at first, then harder when I don’t react. “Stella, no. No. Don’t say that. Don’t you fucking say that.”
But the words keep coming, slow and hollow, like they’re stuck on a loop I can’t break.
“I can’t do this anymore… I can’t… I’m done.”
His breath rushes out in a pained, strangled sound. He cups my face between his palms, forcing my eyes toward his. His thumbs swipe at tears I didn’t even feel fall.
“Dusha moya, please. Look at me. Just look at me.” His voice is pleading, frantic, roughened by fear. “You’re scaring me. Stella, you’re scaring the shit out of me.”
But I stare straight through him.
“I can’t do this anymore… I’m done.”
“Stop.” He presses his forehead to mine, shaking his head in disbelief. “Stop saying that. You don’t mean it. You don’t. You’re in shock. That’s what this is. Right? Just shock. Tell me what’s wrong. Just stop saying those…those words. I can’t bear them.” His hands move again, gripping me tighter, shaking me like he’s trying to rattle the life back into me. “I won’t lose you,” he growls against my cheek. “Do you hear me? I won’t. Not like this. Not ever.”
But the numbness has drowned out everything—every heartbeat, every thought, every reason.
All that’s left is fear.
And the single sentence that keeps escaping my lips, soft and broken.
“I… can’t… do this… anymore… I’m… done.”
Kirill’s breath breaks before the rest of him does.
At first, it’s just a tremor in his hands where they grip my waist. Then his shoulders shudder. Then his forehead drops against my chest like he can’t hold himself up anymore.
And then he crumbles.
“Stella… please…” His voice is wrecked, strangled, torn from somewhere deep and desperate. “I love you. I love you, Stella… don’t do this. Don’t leave me. Don’t—”
His words disintegrate into quiet, broken sobs that shake straight through me.
His tears fall hot against my skin, each one like a tiny stab to my heart.
A heart that can’t seem to beat.
A heart that can’t seem to feel.
A heart frozen by fear.
He wraps his arms around my middle, burying his face against me like he’s trying to hold himself together, or maybe hold me together.
But I’m already unraveling.
“Don’t do this,” he whispers again and again, voice raw. “Don’t do this,dusha moya… please…”
I want to answer.
I want to fold into him and let his arms thaw the numbness away.
I want to tell him the truth, that I’m so terrified of losing him more than I was ever afraid of losing myself.
But I can’t speak.
Can’t breathe.
