I stand frozen. All I’d thought about was how this was affecting me, but this has the potential to ruin Banner’s life.
Banner tugs me into his arms, murmuring something, but I can’t shake the feeling of how wrong this all is. What am I doing? I’m supposed to be fixing up my mom’s house and leaving. Fucking around with Banner and then running away is a coward’s move, one that leaves him to deal with the fallout. I refuse to let that happen.
I pull back and wave off his concern. I look at Wade, who is talking to Olivia, and then back to Banner, who is watching me like a hawk.
I point to my chest before pointing out the door to my mom’s house.
He shakes his head. “I want you to stay.” He reaches for me again, but I take a step back, feeling tears prick my eyes.
I point to myself once more and back out the door, this time mouthing that I want to leave. He runs his fingers through his hair in frustration, but I think he can tell I’ve hit my limit.
“Why don’t you wait until the morning at least?”
I let my eyes slip closed, feeling tears build behind them.
He’s not seeing the bigger picture, not yet. He will eventually, and then it will be one more thing for him to hate me for.
I shake my head, my eyes opening to release the tears.
“Fuck, baby, please don’t cry.”
“Hey, what’s going on?” Wade walks over after hanging up and handing the phone back to Banner.
“She wants to leave.”
I look at Wade and wait for him to argue with me, but whatever he sees on my face stops him in his tracks.
“Okay, go grab what you need, and I’ll walk you over.”
I dip my head in gratitude and hurry upstairs without giving Banner a backward glance. I grab my dirty clothes and trade out the sweatpants for the shorts I wore before, forgoing the underwear, which I stuff in my pocket. I keep the T-shirt on and tug my hoodie over the top, unwilling to part with the T-shirtjust yet. I tug the hair tie from my wrist and pull my hair up into a messy bun before heading back downstairs. I don’t know what they’re talking about when I walk back into the room, but as they both go quiet, it’s safe to assume it’s me.
Wade cuts through the awkwardness by walking over to me. “You ready?”
I nod and grab my backpack from by the door where Banner left it. I slip it over my shoulder and turn to look at Banner. There is so much I want to say, but even if I could find my voice, I think words would fail me now. The divide between us has never felt wider than it does right now.
When he walks over to me, I don’t have the strength to pull away. I look up at him and hope he can read everything on my face that I can’t say.
I’m sorry, I love you, forgive me.
He dips his head and brushes his lips over mine. I know he can taste the salt of my tears, but he doesn’t comment on it as he pulls away.
“Take care of her.” His voice comes out thick with emotion as he talks to Wade. I think he knows this is it, that everything we could have been will never bloom. How can anything grow from the dirt of my life when his brother’s bones lie buried between us?
I follow Wade out and walk to the end of the path before turning one last time to look at him. The light behind Banner illuminates his blonde hair and highlights his dark expression. He’s always been a contradiction to me—the tattooed bad boy who loves his family, the wanderer who always came home, and the man who, in another life, would have been mine.
With a shuddering breath, I turn away and jolt when I hear the door close firmly behind us.
“It’s going to be okay, Sorrow. Things have a way of working themselves out,” Wade says softly.
And when have things ever worked out in my favor? I don’t say anything; I just let Wade walk me home.
He watches for me to step inside and lock up, so that’s what I do, waving goodbye from the window. I wait until he’s out of view before I head for the kitchen. I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and drink it down, taking a moment to get my thoughts together before I unlock the door to the garage and relock it behind me. I move to my van, toss my bag on the passenger seat, and climb in. I adjust the seat that had been moved during the search earlier and use the garage opener to open the door.
I reverse out, keeping my gaze averted from Banner’s house, and head back to the hotel. It might not be the best solution, but I need to put some distance between us before I give in to my selfish wants and desires, and I run back to him.
Chapter Eighteen
BANNER
