The nurse turns at my gasp and rolls her eyes, but then looks at Stephenson and slips into professional mode. I fumble in my back pocket for my phone and fire off a simple text to Banner, telling him that he’s awake.
Worried that he might want some privacy, I back up so I can leave. Stephenson, whose eyes are still locked on me, starts to freak out, so I stop.
“I think you’re agitating him, Sorrow. I need you to step out.”
Torn, I take another step back, and he starts thrashing again.
“Sorrow!” she snaps at me.
Fuck this bitch. I walk closer to the bed and slide my hand into Stephenson’s before glaring at the nurse. “First of all, I didn’t tell you to call me Sorrow. And as we’re clearly not friends,you can call me Miss Wells. Second, he wants me to stay. He’s getting agitated because you keep trying to make me leave.”
She must have hit the call button. Before she can reply, the door opens and the doctor walks in.
“Hello, Mr. Stephenson, it’s good to see you awake.”
I ignore the talking and focus back on Stephenson. I feel something ease inside me, knowing he’s going to be okay. Yes, he’ll have a rough road ahead of him, but he’s done the hard part. His thumb moves against the back of my hand, making me smile.
It’s bizarre. A few months ago, if you told me I’d be worried about this man who both scared me and pissed me off in equal parts, I’d have laughed as I was running away. As far as I was concerned, he made his bed. He gets to lie in it. But life is never that black and white. We all make mistakes and fuck up. It’s human nature. Imagining a world with no forgiveness, though, that seems more terrifying than anything. Not that I claim to be a saint. There are plenty of people rotting away behind bars who deserve to be exactly where they are. But for some, redemption has to be a better option than persecution.
Stephenson made mistakes. He’s paying for them and likely will for a lifetime, but I refuse to hold his mistakes over his head while he atones. Whatever he has to do to get through the day is between him and his god.
I look up when I realize everyone is looking at me. “I’m sorry, I zoned out.”
“That’s alright, I was just saying we’re going to run some tests if you’d like to wait outside.”
I lean down and focus on Stephenson’s face. “I’m going to step outside.” When he shakes his head, I cover both our hands with my free one. “I’m not going anywhere. I’ll still be right here when they’re done, then I’ll come back in and finish reading to you. Before you complain, know you stink and need a spongebath. We might be friends now, Stephenson, but we’re not those kind of friends. And I’m not sure my poor eyes can handle what’s under that robe.”
His lips twitch, his eyes sparkling with mirth. He’s slowly coming back to himself.
I release his hand and pick up the book. “Be good. We’re about to get to the part where Fox finds out Nemo is really a girl.”
He nods, and I take that as my cue to leave before he changes his mind. I step out into the corridor and let out a relieved breath before I slide down the wall and bring my knees to my chest.
“Miss, you okay?”
I look up and see Jeanette, who is by far my favorite nurse.
“Oh, hey, Sorrow, is something wrong?”
“Stephenson woke up.”
“That’s great.”
“I know, so why do I feel so weird?”
“I actually see it more than you think. Coming here, putting their needs before your own, changing your routines to make it work, ignoring the mental load in order to fulfill the physical one, you find yourself running on adrenaline with one goal in mind. Now he’s awake, there is no goal, so you’re cast adrift, and it’s more than a little discombobulating. Give it time, you’ll figure out a new norm. You both will.”
I huff out a relieved sigh. “Thanks, Jeanette.”
“No worries, here.” She offers me her hand and pulls me up. “When was the last time you ate?”
I think back and wince. “I grabbed a banana on the way out the door this morning.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought. I’m gonna grab you something from the vending machine. You make sure you eat something tonight, a real meal, or I’ll tell Banner on you.”
“Meanie.”
“You’re no good to anyone if you get sick.”
