“I think I’m starting to see that. So you and Midas?”
“Ah, no.” I rub my hand over my face before getting up and throwing the tissue trash.
“I’m a club girl, like I said, but I’ve spent most of my time with Midas for the last year or so. It wasn’t a conscious thing, at least on my end. I started working for him at the Pawn shop, which put us in pretty close proximity to each other. I thought we’d developed a friendship, but a friend wouldn’t have spoken to me like he did.”
I drift off, remembering that this isn’t the first time he’s been a dick. It’s just the first time I’ve realized how many excuses I’ve made for the man.
“I want more. G already knows this because we talked about it the other night when he told me about you. I want to find a man who doesn’t want to share me with his friends. I want someone to come home to, someone who will still be beside me when I wake up. I want someone to love me and only me, and I want kids. As happy as I’ve been here, there is more to life than what this place has to offer. As my friend, I thought he’d be happy for me like G is.”
“But he’s not, clearly. What’s his issue exactly?”
That he can’t or won’t give me those things, but he’s not willing to let me go and find them with someone else.
“He says he doesn’t want me to go. That it’s not safe out there without Raven’s protection, and that this is my home. I told himall the reasons I needed to leave, and he brushed them off like they were nothing.”
“Well, that’s not his decision to make.”
“He seems to think it is, which is why I keep reminding him I’m not an old lady.”
“Maybe he wants you to be one, though. You said you had become friends. Maybe the thought of you leaving has made him face the fact that what he feels for you is more than friendship.”
I shake my head. “No. He has made it perfectly clear that he’ll never go there with me. He doesn’t want a woman his brothers have known intimately.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m not a patch chaser. I never became a club girl in hopes of becoming an old lady. I always knew there would be an expiration date. There have been brothers over the years I’ve been closer to, and one or two I’d have liked to have pursued something more than a quick and dirty fuck, but I’m not that girl. They don’t see me as worthy of wearing their patch because I spread my legs for them.”
“And yet they all get to sleep around, and that’s okay, right? Because men are studs where women are sluts,” she hisses, but I’ve made peace with this.
“It’s the MC way. I’m not saying I agree with it, but I spent a long-time coloring between the lines. I know what’s expected of me and what’s not. I’m just over it all.”
“I think it’s brave. From what I gather from what you said, you don’t really know any other way of life, and for all intents and purposes, these guys are your family. You’ll be giving all that up in the hope of a happily ever after with a man you’ve never met, knowing there is no guarantee it will last.”
“I don’t feel brave. I’m fucking terrified.”
“But you won’t let the fear stop you, will you?”
I swallow hard. “I can’t. If I stay and give up all the things I’ve dreamed of since I was a little girl, it will eat me up. I’ll become bitter and jaded, and for what? So I can bask in the scraps of attention these guys throw my way? I had fun, but now I want more. I deserve more.’
“Then fuck what Midas thinks.”
“I agree.”
I turn when I hear G’s voice. He wastes no time walking over to me and giving me a hug.
“He’s a dick, but I know he regrets it. He’s just not dealing with it well.” G tells me, taking a step back.
“What’s there to deal with G? This really isn’t about him, it’s about me. He can fuck any club girl here. He won’t even notice I’ve gone.
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that.”
Chapter Ten
Midas
I’m still fucking fuminghours later. I can barely even handle seeing her with my brothers, but some random motherfucker off the street? Fuck no. And who the fuck hits on someone in a park when they’ve got a kid with them? For all she knows, he’s an enemy looking for an easy way in. I thought she had more sense than that.
“What the fuck’s your problem? You’re acting like someone pissed in your Cheerios,” Probe grunts as he sits on the stool next to me. “This because Blade’s stepping down?”
