“Because that’s where you killed me. I still have nightmares about it. And if you have any idea what my life has been like, you’d realize how fucking laughable it is that out of all the demons I faced, you’re the monster that I’m afraid of.”
When he opens his mouth to speak, I cover it with my lips, needing him not to just listen to me but fucking hear me for once.
“Most days, I feel like I’m still there, bleeding out on the ground as you carved into me with your hate-filled words. Here’s what you need to understand, Midas—it doesn’t matter what happens from here on out. It doesn’t matter if I forgive you today, tomorrow, a year from now, or never at all. I will never forget those words, or that pain, that your words caused,” I admit.
He jerks hard, as if I ran him through with a knife, proving just how much power words have.
“Legs,” he chokes out.
I grip his wrists. “You need to understand that because you can’t fix everything you break. I’m not saying we can’t make something different out of the remains. I’m saying that there is nothing you can say or do that will reframe what happened.”
“I wish I could make you forget. No, that’s a cop-out. I wish I could makeyouforget, but I had to remember every second of it because as much as my words hurt you, they haunt me. They chase at my heels like hellhounds, wanting to devour me whole. And even if you forgive me, I’ll never forgive myself. I know it will never be enough. I’ll carry the knowledge that I tainted what could have been. And that’s my penance.”
He bends down and skims his lips over mine in a barely-there kiss. “I wish you fell in love with a better man, someone worthy and whole. And in my twisted way, that’s what I was trying to do—save you from—me.
“But it’s too late now for both of us. I’d rather burn in hell than go a day without you.”
“Then may god have mercy on both our souls because somedays I want to set you on fire, but others I want to burn right along with you.”
We’re both lost in thought on the ride over. He keeps his hand locked in mine while he drives, as if he worries he’ll let go for a second and I’ll simply float away. If only it were that easy. We pull through the gates and park just outside the warehouse. Midas shuts off the truck, leaving the cab thick with silence.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I know I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it every single day until you don’t just hear it, but you feel it too.”
I let my eyes slip closed for a minute, digging deep. I hate how this whole thing is poisoning us. “Don’t you ever wonder if fate got it wrong? That you were destined for me, and I was destined for you, but in every other lifetime but ours. Sometimes I wonder if all we feel is just an echo of what could have been.”
“No. No, I know that’s not true. Because I know I’d love every version of you in every lifetime.”
I turn to look at him. He reaches over and swipes a tear from my cheek with his thumb before he sucks his thumb into his mouth.
I huff out a watery laugh. “Weirdo.”
“I want every part of you, Legs. The good, the bad, and the broken.”
“Then your cup runneth over, Midas. Because I have enough broken pieces to keep you busy for a lifetime.”
I undo my seatbelt and open my door. He jumps out and runs around to help me out before my feet touch the ground. He waits until I’m steady before he grabs his cut from the backseat and slips it on.
I wait for him, my arms hanging limply at my side until he reaches for my hand. “Baby steps,” he says softly, slipping his fingers through mine.
I stare up into eyes that always hold me captive before curling my fingers around his. “Baby steps,” I agree.
He leads me up the path to the saloon before pushing the door open and ushering me inside. A cheer goes up when I walk in, making me flush. Midas lets go of my hand, making me freeze, before he slips his arm around me and pulls me in close. “Breathe, Legs,” he tells me softly.
I suck in a deep breath as people walk over and greet me as if they haven’t seen me in forever. Honestly, for some, that’s true. I manage to keep the tears at bay this time, thanks to Midas lending me strength.
“Alright, give the woman some room. Jesus,” G orders before ignoring his own order, stepping up to tug me free from Midas and pulling me in for a hug.
“How you doing, Legs?” He pulls back to look me over, rolling his eyes when Midas yanks me back into his arms.
“I’m okay.”
“The baby okay?”
Midas is tense, but I don’t care. I’m happy that someone is acknowledging the elephant in the room.
“Yeah, they’re good. I have a checkup next week, but we’ve been okay.” I press my hand to my bump and relax when he smiles.
“I’m happy for you, Legs,” he tells me softly, knowing how much I wanted a family, though this was not the way I thought it would play out.
