“You think the way I treated you in all the time we spent together was about how I looked at you as less. But it wasn’t.”
I scoff at that. My being a club girl was far more than he could deal with, which would have been fine if he’d stayed clear of me and stopped messing with my head.
“I’ll admit you being a club girl fucked with me, but not for the reasons you think.”
I fold my arms and wait for him to continue, trying to curb my impatience. I’ll admit I’m curious about where this is going.
“My mom was a club girl,” he admits, making my eyes widen.
“I thought you grew up in foster care?” I say softly.
“Eventually, yeah.” He sighs, his gaze slipping just beyond me to the window. “She was eighteen when she hooked up with an MC. It wasn’t like Raven Souls, but it wasn’t the worst MC out there, either. They were just old school and stuck in their ways.”
“Your dad?”
“One of the club brothers. One of the married club brothers.”
I wince at that, imagining how well that went down.
“His old lady wanted nothing to do with me. Not that I blamed her. I was a constant reminder of her old man’s unfaithfulness. On the flip side, my dad wouldn’t let my mom leave and take me with her. I was an MC kid regardless of who my mother was. She wised up and wanted out, but he made it clear that she wouldn’t be taking me with her. One day, she had had enough and took off, leaving me behind.”
“I’m sorry.” And I am. Sorry for the kid who lost his mom, and sorry for the young woman trapped in a life she hated, seeing no other way out.
He shrugs. “It hurt when I was a kid. I understood it better when I got older. It’s different when you’re not looking at things through a wounded child’s eyes. The problem was that my mom was gone, and there was nobody there to raise me. I think my dad thought the threat of him keeping me would hold her hostage. He never expected her to leave anyway.”
“So they put you into foster care to spite your mom?”
“Not quite. I bunked with the prospects at the clubhouse, saw far too fucking much for a boy my age, and dragged myself up as well as I could. Trust me, it only takes a few times of getting picked on for dirty clothes before you learn how to do laundry.”
I fist my hands at my side, disgusted that any kid should have to go through that.
“I didn’t know at the time that my mom got a job and a place to rent and that she was actively fighting for visitation, visitation that was denied multiple times due to her promiscuous lifestyle. It was bullshit, of course. It’s why she left the MC, to begin with. She wanted something more out of life.”
“So your dad could fuck around, and that was fine, but your mother was held to a higher standard? Why is it always that way for women? If you sleep with ten women, you’d be a stud. If I slept with ten men, I’d be a slut.”
He shrugs, not having the answers. “Anyway, my mom was killed in a hit-and-run when she was coming home from work one night. I never got to see her after she left, and I blamed my dad for that until the day he died. I still do, actually.”
“Your dad died too?”
“A year after my mom, almost to the day. He lost control of his bike, went through the guardrail, and over the side of a cliff. His old lady was on the back of his bike.”
“And instead of the MC keeping you close and raising you as one of their own, they threw you away.” I know where this is going. I lean back and rub my temples. “I hate that for you, Midas. I really do, but it still doesn’t explain why you treated me like I wasn’t good enough for you.”
He rests his elbows on his knees as he leans forward. “I was well aware of the power imbalance between a brother and a club girl. I knew I’d mess up because I’ve got issues coming out of my ass. And I knew, of the two of us, it would be me left standing at the end. It was the first time I felt resentment toward the club.”
“Wait, you were pissed because you knew they’d take your back over mine?”
He nods, earning himself a huff of disbelief from me.
“You don’t believe me?”
“Why would I? Even if that was your mindset, you could have fought to make us work instead of tearing us apart. You let your fear turn everything into a self-fulfilling prophecy. You became the very person you hated. And for what?”
“To save you from me.”
“Oh for fuck sake.” I stand up and hold my ground when he does the same. “The time for saving me was long gone. You can dress up your excuses all you want, but I’m not buying any of it. Twisting the narrative to fit your story only works when the other person wasn’t there to witness it all. But I was there for it every step of the way, Midas. I remember every second of ourdemise. Don’t come here and try to paint over the shit with roses now.”
His jaw ticks with anger, but he doesn’t reach for me. “I knew you’d leave. I needed you to, before I couldn’t let you go.”
