“I hate this. All of it,” I whisper.
“Me too. But this is the hand we were dealt and we should make the most of what time we have left.”
“How did you get to be so wise?”
He snorts. “Alcohol and bad decisions in the past. But the best thing I ever did in life was fall in love with you. You and Sophie changed me for the better—you have no idea how much. And I’m so sorry I can’t continue on this journey with you. But I don’t think I could ask for anyone better to join you on it than your daughter’s father.”
Tears spill onto my cheeks, and Mark wipes them away with his fingers.
“The thought of leaving you is hard enough, Cassie. Give me this, okay?”
“Okay.” I swallow down my resentment.
“Let’s get some sleep. I’m not getting any younger.”
I bark out a laugh as he holds me tighter.
I’m not sure sleep will be as easy for me as it is for him, but when I close my eyes, surrounded by him, it’s not really difficult at all.
23
PATRICK
The weekend was crushing in so many ways. When I suggested supporting Mark, of course I had an ulterior motive. It meant getting close to Cassie, maybe finding out the answers to some of the questions I’ve had for years.
Instead, I’ve realised that the situation is even tougher than I thought. I knew what Mark told me, of course. But when we had our initial conversation, he’d just had some bad news. People take news all kinds of ways—it was hard to tell how he took his because he seemed more focused on Cassie.
But he’s not a well man, and I can see how stressed that makes Cassie. She’s not as naive as he thinks she is. And she’s wound up like a spring.
I could hammer her about the past, and about my new questions regarding Sophie. I don’t know anything about her. When was she born? How old is she? But I just have this feeling. If Cassie and I had a child, I think she’d look like Sophie.
But there’s is a gap in my knowledge about Cassie. I know everything about her up until that day that something went wrong. I know nothing of the time we’ve been apart. Thirteen years is a long time. Feelings change, and I thought despite not moving on with anyone else that that was just me and not related to the break-up I had with Cassie.
Seeing her again has triggered all those memories and my need to know what happened. She slipped through my fingers, and she’s always been the one that got away. Being around her has reminded me of what I fell in love with. She’s beautiful, smart, funny, and it’s clear she’s a good mother to her daughter.
Mark’s obviously dedicated to both of them, and I’m glad she found someone good to take care of her. Which makes this whole situation even harder because she’s about to lose that.
I’m torn between this jealousy I have over the feeling that he took my life and the knowledge that he’s about to lose it all.
So I need to let this play out, because if I put any pressure on Cassie now she’ll only resent me and I might lose everything all over again.
“You’re moody today,” Ethan says.
“Today’s a big day. We’ve got this transfer of this patient from me to you, and I’ve just had a really big weekend.”
I’ve told Ethan all about what’s happening. As soon as Mark spoke to me, I needed someone to talk to. And Ethan’s probably the best friend that I have. He’s older than me, sure, but he’s a good listener.
“How did it all go?”
“Mark is sicker than he’s letting on. Cassie’s not dealingwith it very well, but he’s doing his best to reassure her that everything will be okay. I’m going to be there for them. It won’t be easy, but if it’s okay with you, I’ll reduce my workload over the next few months so that I can be there.”
He nods. “You’re a good man. I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.”
“There’s something else. Cassie has a daughter. I didn’t want to probe with too many questions while she’s struggling with all of this. I don’t know the kid’s exact age, but I think it fits. What if she’s mine?"
Ethan fixes his gaze on me. “Then she’ll still be yours in the future after Mark dies. I think you’re doing the right thing holding back.”
I swallow hard. I already know that, but it doesn’t make the whole situation easier.
