“Maybe. I don’t know if I’ll stay the whole time, but I could stay some of it.”
“I understand.”
Lauren’s also a free spirit which doesn’t help Mark’s anxiety about her. Apart from his unrealistic expectations around us being able to take the time to travel with him, I’m more than a little surprised he’d be okay with spending six months away from his sister.
“Do you ever think about Sophie’s father?”
A lump forms in my throat. “Often. There’s this look on her face that she gets when she’s thinking hard—you know what a smart kid she is—and she looks so much like him. It’s hard to ignore.”
Lauren bites her bottom lip. “Do you think you’ll ever tell him about her?”
There it is—the million-dollar question.
“I feel bad. I went looking for him once—Sophie was two months old. I should have told him then. But I was still so young and hurt and?—”
“You loved him.”
I nod. “And then I came home and had to have more surgery to rebuild my broken body. Anything that wasn’t immediately necessary was delayed until after Sophie was born. I couldn’t get rid of her though—she was my link to the life I lost. Not just Patrick’s daughter, but the granddaughter my parents would never know.”
She squeezes my arm.
“I’ve tried stalking him on social media. But he’s got it locked up tight. So I stopped because I realised I didn’t want to see him with a family that didn’t include Sophie. And then life. It just …”
Lauren puts her spoon on the coffee table. “You had a lot on your plate.”
“I did, but I could have told him. There are days when I have so much guilt over it, and then others when I feel like I can breathe because he doesn’t know. What if I told him and he didn’t want anything to do with her?”
“Oh, Cassie. Seriously, if that’s how he reacted it would be his loss.”
“You think I should tell him.”
She shrugs. “I’d want to know. But I understand. It was a tough situation.”
“It was, but how do I tell him now? ‘Hey, here’s your teenage daughter.’ He’ll hate me.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. I’m glad she has Mark. I never thought I’d see him being a dad, but he adores her.”
I smile. “He does. I’m so glad I met him. And you.”
Her eyes glisten with tears. “Me too.”
19
CASSIE
Mark’s absence is felt.
He left a gaping hole in our lives—even if it’s just temporary. If he’d been a man who worked away, we’d be used to it. But after eight years of his constant presence, his not being here for such a long stretch is difficult to get used to.
The house is quiet. It’s the middle of term, so between school and after school activities, Sophie’s wiped most nights. There’s no booming laughter or late-night hot chocolate when Sophie should be in bed.
There’s no sports on the TV during the weekend, with the hiss of a beer bottle being opened while Mark puts his feet up on the coffee table and I tell him off for the millionth time.
I miss him.
We talk several times a week, but I hate being alone in bed at night.
We’re halfway through this ordeal when he calls. It’s usually when Sophie’s still awake so he can say goodnight to her, but this time it’s late which rings alarm bells right away.
