He darts his gaze between me and Roman’s clothes. “I see my son has you doing his dirty work for him now,” he says carefully.
I take a moment to respond, gauging his words, my response, and the way he holds himself so stiffly that he seems to be one hard hit away from shattering.
“Why waste money on things we already have? Seems illogical to me.”
He tsks. “And running away was logical?”
I keep my expression blank. “No one is running, Cris. Well, I’ll rephrase that, no one but you and Il Padrone are running.”
He sucks in a breath. “How dare you. We have done nothing but try to keep our Families together since returning.”
I shake my head. “You’re the ones tearing them apart. I understand if you’re confused, upset, and pissed at the decisions that were made while you were gone, but ripping the Families apart…it wasn’t your smartest move.”
“You do not get to tell me what is best for the Family when you are helping Roman and Emilio destroy everything we have built!” he hisses.
“No, Cris. I am saving what we built. The people who locked me away because I dared to protect?—”
“Donot,” he growls, taking a step toward me. “You do not get to hold that over my head, not anymore.”
“I gave up my life for you,” I continue anyway, ignoring him. “I risked not only my safety that day, but my freedom and sanity.”
“I never asked you to do that.”
“You didn’t,” I agree. “But I said I would help you, so there was no way I was going to sit back and let that happen. I did what I needed to then; and I have no regrets about it. Same as now. I am saving what is left of the Amato name. I am standing by your son, because the Cristian I met when I was eleven years old would have wanted that. The one I saved at fifteen would have begged me, and the one who saved me at seventeen devoted his life to me.” I give him a smile, one that feels twisted and wrong, even to me. “So many think I’m the one who chained myself to you, simply because you’re the first one to face the monster head on and win. Never would they believe you’ve been hiding your own behind mine for so long.”
“Are you choosing them over me then?”
Swallowing, I don’t answer for a long moment, before shaking my head. “No, Cris. It’s because I chose you back then, and will continue to choose you again and again until one of us dies, that this has to happen. I care too much to watch you destroy yourself. If this is what you want, then who am I to stop you?”
“Roman—”
“Is not up for discussion.” Pulling my hands out of my pockets, I straighten up, hoping he can see the seriousness on my face. “I’ve watched him put you first his entire life, now he’s finally doing something forhim, without worrying about what you will think. I respect him too much to leave him behind. The Cristian I know, the one I stood by, who I molded myself for…he would want me to stay with his son, so that’s what I’m doing.”
His jaw clicks, and there’s a moment between us in which I think I’m going to have to put him down, but he doesn’t make a move and the tension seems to pass. “I hope you don’t die because of my son’s mistakes,” he says carefully.
“I will always be there for you, Cristian. You were and will always be my priority, but that doesn’t always look like what youthink it should. What we built, the world we brought your son into, the legacy we leave behind, that is what I am protecting. I will always be here for you. You’re welcome to call me, day or night, but this is theonlychoice I have.”
“I hope they’re worth throwing your life away for,” is all he says.
I’m not surprised when he walks out. He already stabbed me, and was given retribution by Benjamin, there’s nothing more either of us need from each other.
The sound of the front door shutting is loud in my ears, as is the beating of my heart.
“Love?”Hollis’s voice is the only reason I’m still standing.
“I need you, Hol,” I say, or I try to.
“I’m here, Ten. I… Fuck. Come back to me. I got you.”
“Benjamin?”
“Yeah, I’ll make sure he’s there too. We got you, Love. Just come back to us.”
Somehow, I manage to remember to grab Roman’s clothes, and on shaky legs, I leave the apartment, for possibly the last time.
Hollow. If I had a name for the feeling currently coursing through me, it’d be hollow.
“Logistics are going to be an issue,” I state grimly as I look from Keegan to Carter. While I’m glad mine and Keegan’s suite has room for a table and chairs, it’s jarring to do this outside of an office. Still, I understand the necessity of having privacy. “I can pull soldiers. They were under my domain, even though Ignacio trained them. I can even rearrange the weapons trade and pull that from Il Padrone. Drugs, however, were under Ignacio. Whores were under Antonio. Financially, we have to decide what to do, because if I take the soldiers, we have to be able to support them. I also would like to give some to Lio, as I know they don’t have enough.”
