“Yeah, probably not, but unfortunately, you have to know. On the plus side, I did stab Cristian. On the maybe negative side, notice anything different?”
Ignacio blinks and glances around, his brow furrowing in confusion. “Where the fuck are we?”
“So…funny, but not, story. Il Padrone also went off the deep end. It basically ended up with Lio claiming his right as the O’Connel Boss, Roman splitting from his dad—there’s more bullshit there—and oh, Carter! He took over as the De Luca Boss. And we ended up here in the O’Connel territory, alongside all three of them. We decided to kidnap you, because fuck would I let you stay with those assholes. Pretty much everyone came, except for Doc and Luca, who turned out to have been kidnapped by whatever asshole wants to fuck with us.”
Ignacio’s jaw drops as he tries to take everything in, but admittedly it may be a bit much, especially since he’s likely still groggy from the meds. He gestures for more water and I gladly give it to him, content to let there be silence, because I know he’ll have questions. Questions I don’t want to face.
“Well. Fuck.” I snort at his succinct response. It’s accurate, but fucking hell, it's an understatement. “Sounds like I need to get off my ass so I can help out.”
Scowling, I stand up straighter, thrusting out my chin in defiance. “No. You will rest and recover. And don’t think you’ll be getting out of doing physical therapy with me. Your ass is mine.”
With a cocky grin, he retorts, “You know I never mind you having my ass.”
I inhale sharply before losing it, as sudden tears stream down my face. I barely manage to get out, “You can’t fucking say that. You almost left me.”
Ignacio struggles to sit up, cursing at the pain, and I roll my eyes as I push him back down. He manages to scoot over and pats the side of his bed. “Get in here. You’re overworked.”
Growling, I barely manage to hold back my own curses. “I’m not fucking weak.”
“Fuck no, you’re not. But I know you, Little Mouse. You’ve given all of yourself to everyone else. You’re tired and worried. You need to get some sleep, and this is me offering you a place to do that.”
My breath catches in my throat, because fuck, I want to take him up on it. It’s so fucking selfish though. “I don’t think it’s a good idea.”
“Oh, fuck off with that. Get in here. I promise not to feel you up. I’m not exactly capable of doing shit right now. I remember that you’re Tennant’s. Just…come on. I want to make you feel better.”
I slump, giving in, because fuck, I need this connection right now, and while I could seek Tennant out, I’m not ready. Not knowing he still wants Cristian in his life, and not knowing how to handle these competing feelings. I crawl into the bed next to him, and very carefully set my head on the crook of his arm.
“I was so fucking scared. I love you. I don’t know where that leaves us, but…I love you.”
“I know you do, Little Mouse. I love you, too. And I’ll take as little or as much as you’re willing to give me. You’re still part of my heart, no matter what.”
For a moment, I decide to be selfish. It’s not fair to him to dangle the possibility of us getting back together unless I’m certain. This wouldn’t hurt so damn bad though if I wasn’t still in love with him. Maybe I need that lecture from Tennant again, the one about loving others. Because fuck, Ignacio does still own me, and it’s far more than just friends. It’s just not enough for me to give up Tennant.
Then again…Ignacio’s not asking me to do that. He has Roman. Could we make it work? A relationship like that, being both his and Tennant’s. It settles in my heart, and I’m surprised by how much I want that. To belong to them both. Of course, there’s the small matter of making sure Tennant doesn’t kill Ignacio. That may be an issue.
“Close your eyes, Little Mouse. Get some sleep. I’ll watch over you.”
Relaxing my muscles one by one, I let myself sink into his warmth. He’s right. He has me. He always has. Now, the question is…will I have him when I wake up? Fuck. Maybe Lio can help me with this shit. Preferably without any stabbing…
It doesn’t take long for me to drift off when he starts to rub circles on my back. This is hell and heaven. It’s everything and nothing. Sighing one last time, I drift off to the sound of his murmurs, content in the knowledge that I’m safe in his arms. At least, for however long this moment can last.
Iam both surprised and not to see Benjamin fast asleep in Ignacio’s bed. The baby mouse didn’t give me the chance to invite him to sleep with us last night, after he found Lio curled up between Hollis and me. Whether it was because he wrongly thought I was sleeping, or he didn’t want to disturb the little Boss, he was there and gone too quickly for me to do anything except watch the confusion and devotion to his Boss and friend before he left. I assumed he went back to his own bed, but the way he is so peacefully and deeply asleep at Chaos’s side tells me that even if that was the case, it wasn’t a restful sleep.
“At least, give him a little longer before you finish the job,” Ignacio’s hoarse, drug-riddled voice tells me.
I look from Benjamin to him. “You’ve looked better,” I comment, ignoring the bait his barely-awake brain has so easily given me.
“Felt better,” he says. His arm tightens around Benjamin and I narrow my eyes.
If I could feel sympathy for anyone, it’d be for the second person to ever survive a brush with death at Cristian’s hands, but it’s hard to even pretend with someone I don’t think deserves an ounce of the love and affection he receives.
“I’m not you,” I say lowly. “I will never hurt him. If he still wants you… I can’t ever tell him he’s not allowed to do something.”
“I find that hard to believe, considering you hate me.”
I shrug. “Believe what you want about me, I don’t care. Benjamin is mine, full stop. I will never let him go. But…I’ve been told he gets the right to choose. If Roman and Benjamin want you, I’m not going to stop them, unless I have a reason to.”
Benjamin shifts on the narrow bed, clinging to Ignacio, as if, even in his sleep, he’s terrified of the other man being taken away. It’s…irritating, at best, and resigning, at worst, to know that there must still be some good in Chaos. Otherwise, neither Roman nor Benjamin would trust him.
