“You can,” Hollis says fiercely. He reaches for the boy, and although Emilio flinches, Hollis doesn’t hesitate, he grips Emilio’s chin and forces his gaze. The wide, hopeless, pain-filled moss green eyes kill me. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for thepeople I care about, and Emilio—Lio—just got added to that ever-growing list. I’d burn the world down for the boy. Hell, if he wants to do it himself, I’d hand him the match and then hold him through the destruction.
“You’re stronger than you believe, Little Puppy. You can, and will, get through this. Is it going to feel better anytime soon? No, but it’ll stop eating you alive.”
“How do you know? Maybe I’m broken. He’s broken me. I’m so fucking tired of being strong, of having to pretend I know what I’m doing. I’ve been doing what’s expected of me for so long.Hisrules and expectations were at least supposed to come with a soft place to land. Who am I without him? How am I supposed to sleep, to breathe, to rule without him? I…don’t know who I am anymore.”
Lio sobs, and Hollis tries to pull him close, but gets brushed off. He looks at me, heartbreak, anger, and the same haunted look in his eyes that I saw years ago when that bastard from his past was taunting him. If I could kill that asshole all over again, I would. I’ll have to settle for Il Padrone…if my Tesoro doesn’t get there first, that is.
“He made me who I am, and then he destroyed me in one fell swoop. I don’t know what to believe anymore. What’s real, what’s not. How can I still want his touch when I don’t want to be touched by anyone ever again?” He wipes his face, his features shifting as anger and disgust take over. “Fuck! Look at me, I’m crying and dumping all my shit on you. This is why feelings are stupid. They’re worthless, and now, so am I.”
“Am I worthless, Emilio?”
“What?” He looks at Hollis in confusion.
Hol shrugs. “If emotions are worthless, then you’ll hate to know how much I broke down just a few short years ago. If you’re worthless, then so am I… After all, I didn’t try to kill myself when I was nineteen for no reason.”
He flips his arm over, showing off the still-healing wound from just a few short days ago. Tracing his fingers over it, he stares down at the scars, old and new. I watch as raptly as Emilio does, curious about what he’s going to do next.
When he told me about his past, breaking down in my arms and giving me pieces of himself that I hadn’t had in the first three years of being together…never once had he uttered those words out loud. I already knew, of course. I felt his scars the first time we slept together. There was never a moment where he’s hidden it from me, though he keeps it close to the chest as much as possible.
“Am I worthless because I was held captive and raped for close to three years, Cucciolo? A better question would be: Am I more worthless than you are because I had two ‘Masters’ to serve?”
“No!” Lio reaches across the bed, taking Hollis’s hand in his and running his own fingers over the wounds and scars. “You’re my Angel. The one who’s held me up this entire time. You’re not worthless. You never could be. Not when you’re mine.”
“And neither are you, Baby. You’re gonna feel low, and confused, and lost. You’re gonna be angry and sad. All those things? Let yourself feel them, as they’re real and will help keep you here. With me. You want to be here with me, right?”
Emilio’s lip wobbles. “What if I don’t want to live for anyone else again?”
“Then do it for yourself. You stood up for yourself, you’re taking up your birthright and building something that's for you. You, Roman, and Carter are doing big things. There’s plenty of reasons for you to stay, not just with me, but with everyone you love, and who loves you. You’re more than you’ve been led to believe. Your happiness doesn’t start and end with anyone but you.”
Hollis drags the boy into his lap, and Emilio goes willingly. “Start with you, remember why you’re doing this; why was it so important to take up the O’Connel name, and go from there.”
“I… He betrayed everything we’ve been taught. How can I trust him to keep me safe, to keep Cole and Benjamin safe, if he allowed that to happen to Ignacio of all people?”
“Okay, good. You want everyone to be safe, right? To love who they want to love?”
Lio nods. “They were supposed to be safe with him. I did what I had to. I’ll do whatever needs to be done to keep the promises of home and safety—everything he was supposed to be for us. I’ll work to do the same, only I will never become him.”
Hollis nods. “Good. That’s where you start. Let me be the end. I’ll keep your heart safe, Baby. I’ll be your soft place to land, your so-called Angel in the dark. You don’t have to be, or do, anything, except what you want. When you’re not being a Boss, you can just be Lio. I love you, my beautiful Little Puppy.”
“And Tennant?” he asks, his voice soft, quiet, submissive.
I move toward him, carefully settling my hand on his back, but instead of flinching, he sinks into the touch, encouraging me to get closer so he can sit between us. “Whatever you need me to be, Mostrotto. I’m yours.”
Gently, I press a kiss to his shoulder. Lio shudders and lets out a deep breath. He lays his head on Hollis’s shoulder, his sniffles and the shaking of his body tells us he’s crying again, but it's much calmer this time. He's letting in the relief of knowing he’s not alone, that we believe in him, and he doesn’t have to hide anything. Not from us.
After a while, he falls back to sleep. Carefully, I help Hollis lay him on the bed. Lio doesn’t stir, even after we undress him and then each other, climbing into bed on either side.
“I’ll kill him,” Hollis says softly. “A goodMaster,” he spits the word, “should have been building him up. Making him feel bothpowerless and powerful on his knees. Instead, he kept him on the ground, and made it so that Lio would be devoted to him and only him, giving him no other options or recourse… I want you to torture him, Ten… But I get to kill him.”
“I do love when you’re bloodthirsty, Tesoro.”
Hollis huffs a laugh and looks down at Emilio’s sleeping face. Unlike his short sleep earlier, this one looks actually restful.
“You really do love him,” I say with wonder in my tone.
Hollis smiles and leans down, pressing a kiss to the boy’s head. “Yeah, I do. I don’t know how he got under my skin, but he’s there, forever.”
“Are you worried about your feelings for him?”
