“It wasn’t,” Roman tells his friend fiercely. “I was raised to be my father’s successor, and I can tell you that this shit is hard. I’ve always worried I wouldn’t live up to expectations. That I was too soft, to femme, too much of everything. That people wouldn’ttake me seriously, that I would destroy everything my father built, simply because I wasn’t the leader I needed to be.”
Roman’s words make tears form, and a lump in my throat threatens to suffocate me, because no matter what anyone said or did, his insecurities about leading have always been there. I know Cristian never pushed any expectations on him, aside from giving the boy the training he needed—I would have shut that shit down right away if he did, as I know firsthand what it’s like to not live up to a parent’s expectations.
Hearing that Roman felt Cristian’s shadow was too large to overcome breaks me. Because my son shines brighter than anyone else I’ve ever met, and to know that he’s never felt good enough, but instead,too muchof himself…it hurts more than words can say.
“What I can say,” Roman goes on to say, before Lio or I can reassure him. “Is that I learned a lot about myself in the time they were gone. I learned about the type of leader I wanted to be, and how much I wanted to make my father proud, but by the time we got them back…despite how relieved I was, how I was losing hope by the day…I also hated knowing I would have to step aside once more.” Roman wraps his good arm around himself. “The first meeting I had with them after they were rescued, it already felt as if I were losing control. They were back for mere hours, still under doctor orders to take it easy and rest, while two important-to-them people were badly injured, yet they thought they could waltz right in and take command. As if they knew anything about the weeks of hell we had all just gone through.”
Roman shakes his head as he cries a little. “I never want to be that type of leader, to think I have the right to rule simply because it’s my title and position. So…while this Council is unprecedented, I think the three of us can do a lot of good. Notonly for our Families, but for this world at large. We can show them that times are changing, and we need to do so as well.”
Emilio nods his head, his despair gone, and in its place is the mafia Boss he is beautifully becoming. “I agree. They think we’re going to fail? Let us show them how wrong they are. This only works with all three of us trusting each other, and coming to some type of agreement on decisions. You asked what you missed at dinner, Roman? Well, Antonio was trying to butt in and make choices he had no right to make. I shut him down, but he made a comment that got me thinking, and I already said it at the table, but I would like to make this formal.
“Allesandro, and I’m going to assume Cristian, made all the final decisions, yes? You could bring up a solution or idea, but at the end of the day, it was the Boss’s word?” Roman and I give our agreement. “Well, that needs to be the same. We can’t rule and keep order if there’s not a clear hierarchy, but I don’t want us to operate as three separate Families. It will never work; not when we’re all living under one roof.”
“I agree,” I chime in. “Even though Marcus and Keegan formally requested to join me, and I am grateful to have them, please don’t feel as if I am taking them from you.”
I get a strained smile. “It hurt that they chose, I won’t lie, but I know they did what was best for them and their family. I’m glad you have them. As I was saying, I gave Antonio an order to stand down, and he made a comment about how ‘I’m not the only one to make this call’, and he’s right, but I want big decisions like this—killing another Boss—to be a joint decision by the three of us. We need to work together, and we can’t do that if the people under us feel as if they can play us against each other.”
“Agreed,” Roman and I say together.
“You and Roman are already used to working together. I stayed in the background, working with the men already under my domain, and helping with Cole, which means we don’t knoweach other well, or how to work together. Time and effort will fix that. Unlike you two, though, I was never trained to rule. I am my father’s bastard, the spare in case my brother ever had to be put down, and Julian made sure I knew that I would never be as good as him. The joke is on him now, that while he set me up to eventually be killed by the man I ended up married to,Iam the one who killedhim.” I smile a little. “My brother and father were both small-minded men who stuck to the old ways and led the De Lucas so far into the dark ages that the Family almost tore itself apart after I took over.
“Now, they’re left with no options since Georgio was killed. It’s why I asked Jude for advice, because even though he didn’t know his family were traitors, he still has insider knowledge that will be beneficial to us.”
“You’ll be a great leader,” Roman says. “You have us, and we won’t let you fall.”
I smile at him and brush some of his hair from his forehead. “Thank you, Figlio Mio.”
“So, we’re in agreement?” Lio asks.
“Yes,” Roman says. “Siamo uniti contro i nostri nemici. We stood united before and completed our task, if we keep that in mind, there’s nothing we cannot do. We will meet, we will discuss, and we will discuss again, before any final major decisions are handled down. Whatever affects us all.”
Resting my forearms on my thighs, I lean forward. “We have to trust each other to make independent decisions as well. Yes, the big Family-altering things will need to be a joint decision, but there are other things, such as bringing in staff to help supplement what one of the others has brought in, or giving out tasks when we have objectives and goals to meet, where we need to trust that the person handling that will do the best they can.
“Marcus and Keegan are mine now, but you know their skillsets best, Emilio. If there is a task you feel they can do that Ihave not already given them, please do so. They may defer to me, but unless it is a direct contradiction to something I already need from them—which we will then discuss—please, don’t hesitate. I will let this be known to them as well.”
“I expect some growing pains, but I agree,” Lio says. “We are in a unique position because our Families are shifting dynamics. Relationships are crossing Families, which is great. I know I would be lost if I didn’t have Benjamin or Hollis, and Benjamin wouldn’t be okay without Tennant. Marcus and Keegan and Cole are happy with you, so I don’t begrudge them that.”
“I wish Ignacio was on the playing field,” Roman says sadly. “Not just because of my selfish need of him, but I know Benjamin needs him too. They may only be friends now, but the relationship is good for them both. Ignacio is a powerhouse, we could have used him for whatever tasks and missions we have coming.”
“We can still use his mind, he’ll see things none of us will.” Lio frowns and looks to Roman. “Hopefully, Tennant will work with him; the two of them could do great things if Ten got over himself.”
Roman rolls his eyes. “I think the thing with Dad has made Ten more amenable. Partly because he doesn’t agree with what my father did, but also because he knows how much Benjamin and I care. Almost losing Benjamin because of it will have scared Tennant. He doesn’t do well with the thought of losing any of us. Benjamin probably doesn’t realize what he’s done, and Ten might not either, but I have a feeling those two will have a heart to heart sooner rather than later. Tennant doesn’t like being scared, and losing someone he loves is his own personal nightmare. This thing with Dad is going to hit him hard as well because of it.”
“He has all of us,” Lio says softly. “We’ll help him through it.” He takes a deep breath. “Will…will Tennant go back?”
Roman looks down at his blanket and shrugs a shoulder. “I don’t know. With Hollis’s mental well-being on the rocks, Benjamin almost leaving him, and me being hurt, I want to say no, but…Dad has been his reason for breathing so long, I don’t know if he can survive without him.”
I cover Roman’s casted hand with my own, my fingers curling over his delicate ones. “We’ll figure it out. If choices need to be made, we’ll get through it, as a family.”
Roman nods sadly.
“In the meantime,” Lio says gently, moving the meeting along. “All we can do is plan our next move. Do you think Leandro truly has bugs in the Martelli mansion?”
“Guaranteed,” Roman replies. “Even when they’re discovered and destroyed—if that process hasn’t yet started—he’s already in their systems. Marcus was serious about the Martelli tech people kicking him and Hollis out and patching their holes, but I can tell you right now that won’t keep either of them out for long. I don’t understand half of the tech stuff, but I know their backups and backdoors have backups and backdoors.”
“While keeping tabs on the other two and that side of things is important—in case they make any moves against us—we can’t let it consume us,” I caution. “We have bigger fish to fry than spending all our time worrying about them. Otherwise, we’ll become no better.”
“You’re right,” Lio agrees. “There are some aspects—like what the lawyers are getting up to—in which we’ll have to use whatever access Hollis and Leandro have, but to prove we’re effective and fit to rule, we need to get our own results.”
