The hammer slammed into my thumb, and I sucked in a breath while clenching my jaw. “It’s better than behind a desk. It’s better than behind a desk. It’s better than damn that hurt!”
After all was said and done, my hands would be like sandpaper and my poor thumb? It might not ever work properly again.
I’d never done a lick of handy work before buying this place. Maybe hanging a picture on the wall or screwing in a hook for a plant. Now, I’m repairing one of what seemed like a million holes in a roof that had been here since the beginning of time.
I wanted to get one of those pneumatic nail guns but with the way I wielded this hammer, I was afraid I’d have more nails in me than the shingles. I’d hired a few day workers when I had things I couldn’t handle myself and they’d taught me a lot, but I still had a lot to learn. About handiwork. About running a resort. About customer service and hospitality. All of it.
My to-do list was one step forward and three steps back. Every time I crossed something off, I added three more things to it, but it was a labor of love. Working with my hands with a constant vision in my head of what could be was better than the burnout I had experienced. Stress levels that could’ve ended anyone. I huffed out a laugh, going back to nailing the shingle down. I worked more hours at a more labor-intensive job than I did before, but my happiness was at an all-time high, even though my thumb would never be the same once this was all over.
I planned for a retreat for corporations like the one I once worked for. But also for those who just needed to get away. I had big dreams of this place booked up tight. Companies lookingto enhance the work environment for their employees. People looking to have a change of pace and scenery. Small businesses wanting to have trips to improve their work culture and really see their employees as people and not just a means to their financial ends.
As soon as I saw this expanse. This view. The cabins, even though they were dilapidated and worn—I saw the dream of what they could be and I knew, deep in my chest, that this was my calling.
I gave my two-weeks’ notice the next day.
My job at the office had grown stale a long time ago. The only reason I even went for so long was because my neighbor and best friend also worked there.
The thing about Paxton? He was my dream come true.
He never indicated to me that we were anything more than friends and neighbors. We hung out together, but there were never any tense moments. No staring into each other’s eyes. No brushing hands, but I felt it. I felt the pull toward him and imagined telling him all my secrets, including wanting him to be my daddy and me his little.
I never got the chance to find out. Paxton received a job offer that would not only take him out of the company we worked for but out of the city—out of the same state.
That was when I made the biggest mistake of my life. I let him leave—without telling him how I felt. It filled me with regret knowing that what I wanted most in this life could’ve been solved with just a few words from me.
He could’ve rejected me, but at least I would’ve known.
“There!” I said and nailed the last shingle into place just as a strong gust of wind from the north blew at my body, chilling me to the bone. The roof was one of the things I wanted to get done before the snow came in hard, and it was due any minute.Replacing shingles and patching up a roof in the snow would’ve not only been terrible, it would be impossible.
I intended to close this place for the holidays. From October to January. That way, I could cash in during the spring and summer and have the holidays to myself. Have my cake and eat it too.
At least, that was the plan.
But loneliness was a problem. It grew by the second as the snow became thicker and Christmas neared. Halloween had passed on a good note. I had very few trick-or-treaters, mainly some local kids, but my family wasn’t expected to share that holiday.
Thanksgiving consisted of me, alone, with a turkey sandwich. I pretended not to mind.
But Christmas? That one was going to prove the most difficult for me.
Especially as a little, the entire time of happiness and love and giving was so important to me. I bought myself some gifts and put them in the closet, so that it would be a bit easier, but more than anything, I wished for the gift of a daddy. Someone to take care of me. Tend me after these long days were over. One of the cabins at the resort was my personal house. It was a bit bigger than the rest, of course, and was set back into the forest. Unless you were looking for it, you wouldn’t even see it from the other cabins. There was an office at the head of the road for people to check in, but this place was private.
That afternoon, I showered and grabbed a meal from the freezer and popped it into the microwave. I decided to go to the office with my meal and make sure everything was locked down since the snow was coming down harder than ever. I found myself rushing around and had to slow down. I practiced slowing down as much as possible. Part of the reason I was so burned out in the corporate world was because everything wasin a hurry. Make your coffee in a hurry and drink it. Rush out the door. Run to the car. Scream and shout and buzz through traffic in order to get to the job. Flip through emails until my eyes crossed. Choke down a lunch in thirty minutes. Fight traffic to get back home only to push through a hurried dinner, shower, and then numb myself until I fell asleep.
No time to be little.
No time for rest—rejuvenation. None of it.
I’d traded that life for this one and was glad for it but, on days like this, I wished more than anything that I had someone to share it with. My closet was stuffed to the brim with teddies and animals I wanted to play with, but sitting by myself and playing alone was less fun than it seemed.
Being little was not as much fun without a daddy to help me and take care of me.
I moved to the front of the office and was about to lock the front door when I saw someone approaching. What in the world? The storm outside was insane and was set to get even worse. Who would traverse this weather and come here? My cabins weren’t open for business yet. There was a sign by the road, but it was marked as closed for the season.
The snow blew with the wind, so I couldn’t make out the person in the approaching vehicle. I thought it might be a fire marshal or maybe a police officer coming to check on me before the storm really made itself known. Maybe someone from forestry.
I stayed inside and watched as a figure got out of the car and realized, no, this wasn’t anyone checking on me.
Whoever it was, they were in trouble. I had no cabins open and nowhere to put them.
