43
ALEX
I can’t sleep.I’m too antsy. Too agitated.
“Mmlex,” Elijah mumbles between soft snores. He looks so peaceful. So handsome. So happy. He’s everything I never knew I wanted in my life.
Being extra careful not to wake him, I slide across the mattress until my bare feet touch the floor. I slip into my pants in silence, then tiptoe through the bedroom, down the hallway, and into the living room—where I finally let out a long, quiet sigh. I walk straight to the wall of windows and peer outside.
The sky is black and turbulent, dark and disturbed, much like my thoughts. I’m so fuckingdisgustedwith myself. Gabriel didn’t deserve what I put him through. Forcing him to watch me fuck his ex-husband.
What the hell has gotten into me?
Agitated, I rub my hands against my thighs and gaze out across the desolate sky, searching for some brightness to pierce through my dark soul. But there’s nothing to see. Not even a star is on hand to wink at me.
I shove my hands into my pockets, so damn furious with myself.Fucking jealousy. Instead of admiring the solidarity between Elijah and Gabriel, I’m jealous of it. Ridiculous. Despite their divorce, and even through the rough patches along the way, they never once stopped supporting each other. Never once stopped loving each other. Their determination to keep their family together should be applauded. These days, it’s not often that you hear success stories like theirs anymore. Everyone seems to go their separate ways after a split. But clearly, that hasn’t been the case in the Garcia family. These three are solid. Elijah and Gabriel made sure they remained that way for the sake of their daughter. And they did it all in the name of love. That goes to show you just how much family means to them.
That’s dedication.
Devotion.
Love.
It’s not like Elijah and I have an unstable relationship. We don’t. In fact, our relationship is fine.
It’s me. I’m the one who’s lacking stability.
Go figure.
I knock my forehead against the glass, embarrassed by my foolish behavior. The more I think about it, the more I want to strangle myself. In all honesty, Gabriel happens to be a really good guy. He cares about people. Emilee thinks he’s super cool—and rightfully so. He’s kind to her. Goofy too. And treats her like family. Like his own daughter. Jesus, he even cares about me. Yet, here I sit judging him for his overly flirtatious behavior.
Like flirting is a crime or something.
Ughhhh.
Maybe I wasn’t cut out to be gay.
Deflated, I let out a breath and turn my back to the desolate sky because it doesn’t seem to have any answers.
The picture of Elijah, Gabriel, and Ana sits on the end table, and I pick it up and stare at their smiling faces. So goddamn perfect. Their unity as a family is so profound; for God’s sake, their happiness shines through their exuberant smiles.
Theyfucking shine.
I shiver as dark thoughts drag me deeper into a hole. Elijah and Gabriel have so much history together. They’ve managed to uphold a healthy relationship despite their separation. They’ve raised a beautiful daughter together and maintained an unbreakable bond between the three of them. They’re strong—and even stronger together.
Just look at them.
As I scrutinize their family photo, one thing stands out… their love for each other… it’spowerful.
I’m done with this madness. Done drowning my anger in alcohol and dousing my insecurities in fucking strawberry-flavored lips. I can’t allow myself to?—
“Everything okay?”
I fumble with the frame as Elijah comes up behind me, voice deep and gritty, accent more pronounced than usual in his state of grogginess. He wraps his arms around my waist and glances down at the photo of his perfect family… and smiles.
Fucking smiles.
And it destroys me. How perfect they all are. I can’t seem to tear my eyes away from their happy faces. At how radiant Ana looks.
