Don’t keep proving me wrong.
Don’t go.
I wanted my mom to tell me it was all gonna be okay, that I didn’t have to be afraid of anything because she would always be there to scare away the monsters.
I wanted my dad to tell me that we all make mistakes, not a single one of us is perfect, and all that matters is if we try to do better.
I wanted Lauren to try and comfort me with her wide grins and too-tight hugs as she called meReese’s Pieces.
All I had were echoes of their words that had been distorted by time.
All I have…
I stared down at our hands.
…is Dakota.
“Don’t what, Reese?”
I searched his eyes, completely baffled that he wanted to be around me. That he wanted to take care of me. That he worried about me.
I hated getting sick because it always sent me falling into the deepest well of despair. It only reminded me just how alone I was, an unbearable emphasis on a life I resented.
Those were times I’d trade my soul to forget.
I didn’t have anyone to look out for me anymore, and to have him be here now, witnessing the mess that was me and smiling like it was nothing, offering to help me instead of walking away was…
Confusing. Overwhelming. It was reaching into some dark, abandoned part of me and dragging it out into the light.
And it fuckinghurt.
It was painful to think I’d have to let someone in again. To already be doing it without any conscious effort. I’d have to show some level of vulnerability when the last ten years of my life had revolved around shutting people out and building my walls thicker and higher. Those walls were part of me now, and to rip them down would be agonizing.
I liked pain, but not that kind of pain.
Don’t leave me.
I let the truth sink into that bitter, aching part of me that refused to let go, and it eagerly swallowed it up. “Don’t forget you have class later.”
He looked amused and disappointed all at once, and I was too tired to withstand his intensity anymore, so I shut my eyes.
My chest was starting to feel a little congested, and exhaustion had firmly settled over me.
“You look tired. You should sleep. Are you hungry? I have some soup, I think.”
“Don’t you have stuff to do?” I sighed.
“Nope, it’s the last week of the semester. Midterms are done and it’s basically pointless to go.”
I opened my eyes. “Don’t skip class. You must have something else to do besides sit here and baby me.”
A sly smile worked its way across his face, and my heart started to race in anticipation, like my brain had already figured out the warning signs of when he was about to do or say something that would send a rush of exhilaration through me.
So pretty much all the time.
“I’ll baby you all day. Baby.”
That one was my fault, I’d set myself up for that.
