I needed to focus on breathing.
I hoped Dakota didn’t come back for a while.
I locked the door, right?
I was pretty sure I locked the door.
In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In?—
14
LET ME HOLD A MIRROR TO THE LIGHT YOU HELD FOR ME - I’LL CHASE AWAY THE DARKNESS
DAKOTA
That was a mistake.
It hadn’t felt like one to me. That had been the single best moment of my life. That I could recall, at least.
It was a mistake to adopt that boy, Evelyn. We never should’ve let him into this family. He’s no good.
Can’t you see what a mistake this was? He’s nothing like our Everett.
Sharp words and jagged memories crowded the forefront of my mind. I wanted to smash my head into something. Crack it open and let them all tumble out until there was nothing left.
When the dryer beeped, I grabbed Reese’s blanket and made my way back to the room.
Reese wasn’t there when I got back, and the coldness in my blood spilled into my bones.
Then I noticed the light coming from underneath the bathroom door. I set his blanket on his bed, then moved to the door and knocked once.
“I dried your blanket for you. It’s on your bed.”
Not a single sound came from behind the door.
How upset was he?
Had I misread everything? Was I seeing things that weren’t really there? Why was I trying so hard to go after someone that clearly didn’t even want me?
A bitter laugh escaped me then, and I stared at his side of the room, a deep longing welling up inside me.
He was so messy. Never put anything away properly, never made his bed. My eyes roved over all the clothes and books and notebooks strewn over the floor and his bed. The bright orange of the tiger lily caught my attention, and I just barely stopped myself from going over there and tearing it to pieces.
I wasn’t very good with my words, had wanted to thank him for helping me back in that closet. I wasn’t sure how to tell him that no one had ever just…been there for me like that. No one had helped me through something difficult. No one had quietly done what I’d asked without blaming me for beingme. And as soon as I’d seen the tiger lily, I knew that was how I could thank him.
It felt like a stupid gesture now.
I’d never really cared about whether or not people liked me. It hadn’t ever mattered, and I’d never dissected myself enough to wonder why people kept their distance. I preferred it that way, to be honest.
I guessed there was some repugnant trait I had that was instantly recognizable. Like people could smell the cloying stench ofwrongnessabout me.
Reese helped me one time and I mistook that to be some kind of affection or acceptance when it obviously wasn’t. I was so excited about someone giving me positive attention that I went and got him a fucking flower.
Just because I was obsessed with him didn’t mean the feeling was mutual. Why would anyone take any kind of interest in me, anyway?
I was as delusional as Evelyn.
I changed my pants and underwear, and when I passed the mirror on the wall, I noticed the mark on my neck. Red and pink swirled together low on my throat, and I reached up to press my fingers into the bruise.
