“How bad are you hurt, baby? Can I look at you? Please?”
I’d barely been able to assess him before he ran from the room, but what I’d glimpsed had been awful.
He shook violently as I held him, tremors running through him in waves.
“It’s alright, I got you. I love you. I love you so much and I’m so fucking sorry this happened. It’s all my fault, I never should’ve?—”
He yelled in frustration, grabbed my arms, and flung them away from himself. He shoved to his feet on very unsteady legs, swaying as he regarded me with wild, miserable eyes. “How can you say that after hearing what I-I’ve been doing?” He choked on another sob, wiping a trail of blood away that had dripped down his eye.
My stomach was in knots, like a fist was squeezing all my organs and twisting. I slowly stood up and slipped my hand into my pocket, pulling out a tissue as I studied every hurt on his face, his throat, the anguish in his eyes. Everett had split his lip, torn a gash above his eye, and there were dark rings around his neck.
I took a cautious step toward him. “Can you?—”
He exploded. “Stop! I’ve been lying to you for months and I can’t—I can’t take it anymore! You don’t fucking deserve this, you don’t—you deserve so much better than someone who would betray you like this. I’m a fucking piece of shit and I can’t do this to you anymore. I can’t. I love—I love—” He choked on a sob, then yelled, “I fucking love you and I ruined everything! And for what? A stupid fucking promise I never wanted to keep in the first place? She’s fuckingdead, she’s dead and you’re not and I did that to you for someone who’s not even here anymore and you’reright here, you’reright here in front of me. You love menow, she loved methen, but she’s fucking gone and I was hanging onto something I don’t even have anymore.”
It was so quiet out here that his words completely filled the space around us.
His voice trembled, and he pointed at me with an unsteady hand. “I had you. I had you and look what I did with that! AndI’m a fucking coward because I couldn’t even tell you to your face. I was too scared of seeing the hurt in your eyes. I was too scared to love you in the first place because I knew it would break me. I’m fucking selfish to my core, Dakota. You deserve someone who will think about youfirst. Who will always put you first.That’swhat love is. So maybe I?—”
“You still have me,” I said hoarsely. “You still have me and you can have me forever, okay? I want you to have me forever.”
The whimper that fell from his lips, the tears that rolled down his cheeks, the absolute despair in his eyes all gutted me.
I took a step, needing to be closer to him, needing him to understand that he hadn’t betrayed me, that none of this was his fault, that nothing had changed between us.
“I already knew,” I said softly.
He looked utterly crestfallen, a small, anguished sound falling from his lips.
“I already knew everything. You weren’t lying because you wanted to, you did it to protect yourself and I can’t ever fault you for that. No one can. You didn’t even know me back then, to you I was just some weird asshole. And even if I had known right from the start, I’d let you do it all over again if it meant keeping you safe. Okay? Because you didn’t have any control in this situation. You were forced into this bymyfucked-up family. I fuckinghate them. I hate them. Val is the only good thing to come out of that family, the rest of them can fucking burn in hell for all I care. All they’ve ever done is hurt people. All they’ve ever done is try to protect their image. You’re not selfish, Reese.They’reselfish and shallow and fucking horrible. Just awful human beings. So you’re not at fault here, okay? They are. Don’t fucking blame yourself anymore. I don’t blame you at all, and I never did, not for a single second.”
A sob burst from his chest, and I closed the distance between us, framing his face with my hands. I couldn’t stand the tearsin his eyes, the horrible pain in his expression. He reached up and wrapped his fingers around my wrists, those gorgeous eyes staring into mine, and I knew he really thought he’d betrayed me on an unforgivable level.
“You knew?” he blubbered. “You knew this w-whole time? You knew when you told me you l-loved me?” His face crumpled again. “How could you love me? How could you still l-l-l?—”
He was shaking so hard he couldn’t even get the word out. “Because I don’t think there’s anything in the world that could kill this love I have for you. I love you now, and I’ll love you forever,” I whispered roughly. I leaned down and kissed the corner of his mouth, and the small, broken sound he made ripped into my heart. He shuddered and leaned into me, thank fucking god. “I love you. And darling, you could lie to me all day long and I’d still know the truth.”
“What’s the truth?” His voice was thin and uncertain, shaky and tiny and barely there.
“That you’re a dirty little pervert with a jockstrap fetish,” I whispered.
A wet laugh burst from his lips and more tears streamed down his face. I wiped them away and peppered his entire face with kisses.
“I bought the one you wanted, by the way. And you were just gonna leave without seeing it on me?”
“Dakota,” he sobbed, wrapping his arms around my neck. I lifted him up and he locked his ankles at the small of my back, squeezing me tight and burying his face in my throat.
“Yeah. I got you,” I murmured, rubbing my cheek against his hair. “You’re not going anywhere, okay? Who would I wear this slutty pink jockstrap for?”
He laughed and cried, the sound of it splitting me in two and sewing me back together all at once. I rubbed my hand up anddown his back as he let out everything he’d been holding inside for so long.
I wished he’d felt like he could’ve told me sooner, I wished I’d brought it up sooner. I would’ve, if I’d known just how much it was eating away at him. I wished we hadn’t had to go through all this heartache, but what was done was done.
“I love you,” he whispered into my skin.
“I love you, too,” I said, stroking down his back.
The wail of a siren in the distance sent a jolt of fear racing down my spine.
