Maybe tomorrow.
No, that wastoohopeful. Maybe next week. Yeah.
I stared at the long row of boxes and shoes in front of me, then started walking down the aisle.
What kind of shoes would he like? Something like his old pair? But I wanted to get him something new, something he’d never had before.
Something that would last a long time, look good, and be practical all at once.
I tilted my head at a pair of black and white slip-ons. They had a weird swirly design on them and didn’t look like the best quality.
Nah.
I kept moving, perusing the options.
We’d had sex.
Reese had fucked me.
We’d fucked.
He’d put that big fat monster cock inside me.
I wanted him to do it again. I wanted to do it everywhere, all the time. He’d looked like he was struggling so hard to not come the entire time, and fuck that had been so hot and sweet at the same time.
He was so fucking adorable.
But the closer we got, the more my worries grew. I’d never been a worrier, never really dwelled on things very much.
That wasn’t happening with Reese. There was wave after wave of worry crashing through my mind, and I honestly didn’t know what to do with them all.
I’d never worried like this before, and it was really fucking getting to me.
What if he never loved me back? What if he didn’t even like me and was just doing this…for some unknown reason? To pass the time or something? What if he decided this wasn’t for him after all, that I was too much, that I wasn’t enough, that my family was a deal breaker?
The deeper I fell for him, the more my worries grew. I couldn’t stop them. I couldn’t shove them down deep into that box I kept everything else in; it was full already, and they just popped right back out and bobbed to the surface like they were life vests and not boulders trying to drag me down.
And the only thing I wanted was for Reese to tell me that all of my fears were unfounded, that I didn’t have to be afraid of any of that.
I wantedhimto reassure me, and only him.
I drifted down another aisle of shoes, wondering if I should just tell him all this. He’d called me disturbingly honest, and seemed to like that about me. Should I keep being disturbinglyhonest? I wasn’t even sure I could hide this. I thought I’d blurt it out as soon as I saw him again.
I pulled out my phone and looked at the time, then sighed. It would still be hours before I got to see him.
I picked up a pair of black shoes that were low-tops with white laces. They had a single flower on the tongue, just an outline done in white.
They were perfect.
He’d probably hate them.
I laughed and picked out his size, then brought them to the register, paid with the money I’d earned from all my years of playing music for a world that hated me now, and left the shop.
This was Reese’s busiest class day and my lightest, so I’d be waiting all day for him to return. Which meant I’d be worrying all day whether I’d bought the right shoes or not.
Oh well. I wouldn’t know until he saw them. Plus I could always exchange them for a different pair. If he didn’t like them, maybe we could go back to the store together.
Yeah. I liked that idea.
