“Oh, come on, Jared, you can’t be oblivious to what’s happening here. We’re best friends. We spend every fucking moment together. And now we’ve started hooking up, and it’s beyond incredible. So what is stopping us from being together, being in a proper relationship? It has to be this.” I point to my face. “I heard you say as much to Sophie today. You find it difficult to look at me. You don’t want a boyfriend who looks like me. Don’t pretend otherwise.
“I don’t want you to baby me or lie to me to protect my feelings. I’m a big boy, but it’s shit that you keep pretending it doesn’t make a difference when it so obviously does to you.”
Jared’s face flushes and his chest is heaving. He stands abruptly and takes three steps toward the door. “I’ve got to go.”
“Sure. Leave now.” I spit the words out bitterly. “Walk away from this conversation because you can’t admit the truth.”
He spins around, and the look on his face is more ferocious than anything I’ve ever seen.
“I fell in love with you in the darkness,” he says.
I freeze. It feels like my heart has stopped. “What?”
His eyes don’t leave mine. “I never believed in love at first sight, but I didn’t even have to see you to fall in love with you. I fell in love with you just by talking to you. Those hours we spent together… You were broken and bleeding, and you still managedto charm me.” He laughs a raw, bitter laugh. “Oh my fuck, Felix, I’ve never had a connection like this with anyone. And every moment I spend with you, it just grows and grows.” He claws his hand through his hair, looking absolutely wrecked, before he fixes his eyes on me again.
“I mean it when I say you’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever met.”
My chest heaves and the tears spill down my cheeks before I can stop them. No one has ever said anything like this to me. Not even before the accident, when I actually was beautiful.
Because he’s saying all of the right words, everything I’ve dreamed of him saying, but it still doesn’t add up.
“So why aren’t we together properly then?” I ask. “What the fuck is stopping this from being the most epic love story in the history of the planet?”
“Because it’s all my fault.” His voice is filled with agony.
“What’s your fault?”
“Your accident.”
I stop breathing.
Chapter 13
My lips go numb. “What do you mean it’s your fault?”
Jared’s face crumples like paper being crushed. His hands shake as he drags them through his hair.
“That night. The night of your accident.” His voice sounds scraped raw. “We were coming home from Coromandel, and Sophie started hassling me about the fact that I never let her drive long distances. She said I was overly cautious and I had to learn to trust her.” He takes a deep breath. “So I said she could drive.”
Now my whole face feels numb.
“What happened?”
“About halfway home, Emmy was fussing in her carseat, throwing a tantrum about her toy falling on the floor.”
My stomach starts to churn, but I stay frozen, watching him.
“I was reaching back to grab it for her, but then Sophie must have taken her eyes off the road. And we crossed the center line.” The words come out strangled. “You were coming the other way. You swerved to avoid us.”
The room tilts. I grip the couch cushion so hard my knuckles go white.
“You swerved to miss us,” he repeats, and there are tears in his eyes now. “You went through the barrier and over the cliff, and then your car disappeared down the tomo.”
“No.” The word comes out as a whisper. “No, the police report said I missed the corner. Lost control.”
Jared’s shoulders shake. “Sophie told them that. When the first police arrived, while I was down in the tomo with you, she told them we’d seen you miss the corner. She was terrified, Felix. She thought she would lose her license, maybe face charges. She thought she’d lose Emmy.”
Rage builds in my chest, hot and sharp. “So you lied. You both lied.”
