“Skye—”
“Good. Night.”
I turned and thankfully, he didn’t follow. Unsurprising, given his past of not following me when I left, but maybe a tiny part of me had hoped he would. I sighed. It wasn’t easybeing so at odds with old hurts and what I wanted for myself now.
I didn’t go home right away. I couldn’t. The sea called to me, as it always had, inviting me to share my secrets, something I’d also always found comforting.
Cutting down the path by the church, I walked toward the dark ribbon where the fields fall away to sand. At the water’s edge, I let the roar fill my head until there was room for exactly one thought.
I am not going to do this again.
I was not going to be twenty again and full of hope. Once upon a time, I’d believed in a fairy tale that said Noah and Skye would live happily ever after. We’d make beautiful music, we’d be a team, a family, and if fame found us, great, but if it didn’t, we’d still be happy. But then everything changed and …
And I grew up.
Even if there was a chance that Noah was here for me, I was not going to be a name in a song he threw to a crowd when he needed a climax. I was not going to make my life an afterthought to his.
I gave myself a mental pat on the back. There. Priorities sorted.
My phone buzzed in my coat pocket. Digging it out with fingers that had gone stiff from the cold, I checked the message from Esther.
Kitchen shears?
Despite my mood, I laughed.
Stand down, soldier. I’ll be fine.
Copy that. Back to work on the charity fundraiser then. I’ve got your scarf by the way.
I’ll get it tomorrow. Thanks.
I shoved the phone away and stared at where the moonlight rippled across the surface of the sea until the song in my head drained out and the wind stitched me back together enough to function.
By the time I trudged back into the village, the pub noise had hit a warm lull. Through the window I could see Gregory conducting a carol with exaggerated solemnity and the Book Bitches swaying dramatically. Noah was nowhere in the slice of view my nosiness allowed. For a second, I wondered if he’d left Kingsbarns already, if he’d walked into the night and kept going until London or oblivion.
Then the door opened, and he stepped out with his collar flipped up, and I remembered he was not courteous enough to evaporate.
He fell into step beside me, and neither of us spoke on the short walk back to the inn. My brief peace from the sea was shattered by every step he took next to me.
Back at the inn, I did what I always do when I don’t know what to do … I cleaned things that weren’t dirty. As soon as we stepped inside, I grabbed a broom from the closet and stepped into the lounge to sweep the already clean floors. Ignoring Noah’s pause in the entryway, I stayed focused on my task, refusing to look up. Finally, after I re-cleaned the entire lounge and front entryway, I went into the kitchen and made tea, even though I wanted whisky, and sat at the kitchen table pretending chamomile could solve anything.
A floorboard creaked, and I looked up. Noah leaned in the open kitchen doorway, not crossing the threshold like we were in a vampire film.Sensible of him.
“I didn’t want to leave it like that,” he said. His voice. It was one of the first things that had attracted me to him. Smooth like whisky, but raspy as if he was growling.Do not reminisce about who you were once.
“Tough. That’s how it’s left.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, and I believed him, and that was almost worse. “For the song. For … putting us out into the world like that. I can’t fix that.”
“Would you? If you could?” I stood, taking my cup to the counter, my insides buzzing with nerves.
“I … I don’t know.” Noah sounded surprised. His words stung, but at least I could appreciate the truth of them. “Skyewas such an integral part of launching my career. But it’s always been this pivotal moment for me. BeforeSkyeand afterSkye.”
My eyes pricked. He was talking about more than just the song.
If on the other side of the truth was that a part of me had applauded him for writing it. One of the reasonsSkyehad been so successful was because it had been blindingly honest. It takes courage for an artist to be that honest with his songs.
“I understand.” A bit, at least. I didn’t know what it was like to sing to stadiums full of people, but I did know how it felt to have before and after moments that defined my life. Before Noah and after Noah. Before divorce and after divorce.
