Already Faelan occupied so many of my thoughts, butafter seeing her injured, it was like something had activated in me.
My heart had opened.
I hated seeing her weak, in pain, unable to stand on her own two feet. I’d already known that my interest in Faelan was more than just that of a man enjoying a bit of a flirtation, but today, it had rocketed my emotions far past attraction and into something more.
Something I wasn’t sure I was ready to fully examine.
“I don’t see a way forward.”
I sat on the couch, head in my hands, while Oban lounged on his dog bed in front of the fireplace. It was too warm to have a fire today, but Oban didn’t seem to mind, and he stretched out his wee paws and cocked his head at me as he let me talk it out.
“Because of what your father will say?”
“My father, my brothers, hell, probably even my mum. It feels like a betrayal to them. We’ve been brought up to hate healers. Hate them. Any time my mum struggled with anything, after… It was always that ‘bloody healer’ to blame.”
“They needed an outlet for their rage.”
“They did. And it landed squarely on the healer’s head. But we don’t know, do we? What if it wasn’t the healer’s fault? What if it just was … because … you know.”
“You’re different.”
“Aye, and she’s not. Mum’s not. She’s not one of us.”
“So instead of looking to himself, your father projected it on the healer.”
I shifted, needing to stand and walk off myrestless energy.
“I don’t know. I wasn’t there. I’ve certainly spent some time reading into it. What would a healer have done? You saw today what healing a horse did to Faelan. What would happen when she tried to heal a spine? There’s probably a limit to what they can do before they risk putting themselves in harm’s way. And is that what’s required of a healer? Do they need to die for their patient? I don’t recall ever learning that motto in med school.” I dragged a hand through my hair as I paced, a rumble of thunder shaking the windowpanes, a storm rolling in to match my mood.
“I think it’s a conversation worth having with Faelan. She might be able to shed some insight on the incident.”
I paused, whirling on my wee pup. I jammed a finger in the air in his direction.
“That’s … that’s a brilliant idea. I never thought about talking to an actual healer. Mainly because I’ve never met one. But she might be able to explain what happened. And if so, maybe my father would be open to meeting her … if …”
“If you become a couple?”
“If we become a couple.”
“Is that what you want? I like her.”
“As you’ve said, many a time.” I resumed my pacing, my thoughts whirling. I had grown used to being out on my own, relishing the distance and space from my family, and enjoying quiet walks in the woods with wee Oban on my days off. But my time with Faelan so far hadn’t felt disruptive to that. Instead, being with her was something I looked forward to, and being around her was effortless. It didn’t feel like I was giving anything up—any of my carefully protected emotional balance that I needed to perform wellas a doctor—instead I felt recharged after my time with Faelan.
And wasn’t that a gift in itself?
“You’ll have to tell her… if you want her in your life.”
I shrugged, ignoring Oban. The weight of my world, the reality of my family back home, weighed heavily on my shoulders. I’d run away to Loren Brae to find myself, to take space to breathe, and now I was more conflicted than ever. Familial responsibility hung like chains around my neck, and I couldn’t help but feel like my time here was running short.
A whimpering from the bedroom shot my head up and I was across the room in seconds, pushing the door open gently.
Faelan still slept, but she whimpered again, her face contorted, and I realized she was having a bad dream. Easing the door closed behind me, I quietly crossed the room, light from a small lamp in the corner softly illuminating my path. Gently, I crawled into bed next to Faelan and pulled her into my arms.
“Shhh, darling, I’ve got you.”
“Luch.” Faelan said my name on a soft sigh, and my heart shivered and jumped off a cliff when she turned and snuggled into my arms in her sleep. Her cheek pressed softly to my chest, and I tightened my arms around her, lightly stroking her back and whispering nonsense words to soothe until her breath fell in a steady rhythm once more.
I’ll hold you as long as you need.
