“I quit,” I admit, the word heavy but oddly freeing. “Took a new job here in Wichita.”
“With who?” she asks sharply.
I laugh; the first real sound of amusement I’ve felt all day. “I’m not telling you that.”
“Ranching’s a very small world, Olive. I’ll find out one way or another.”
“I don’t doubt that.” I say. “But it’s mine now. I need something that’s just for me.”
Phern is quiet for a beat. “He misses you, you know.”
I don’t answer. Because missing me was never the problem. It was not appreciating me when I was right in front of him.
“How are things there?” I ask, needing to shift the conversation before the weight of it crushes me.
“Good.” Phern’s voice lightens a little. “My brother and his fiancée are about to drive me crazy with all the wedding prep. I’ll be glad when it’s finally over.”
I smile, but it’s a hollow thing. My chest tightens because deep down, I know I won’t be there to see it.
“I’m sure you’re handling it like a pro,” I say, trying to sound teasing, trying to sound normal.
She huffs a dry laugh. “Something like that.”
There’s a pause that’s long enough for the air between us to shift again, heavy and knowing.
“Are you really going to leave him?” she asks, her voice softer now. Almost like she’s afraid of the answer.
I close my eyes, the words lodging in my throat.
But when I finally speak, it’s the truth.
“I think so.”
There’s a long stretch of silence on the line, so long I wonder if she’s hung up.
Then, softly, Phern says, “I just don’t want you to leave and wonder for the rest of your life if you gave up too soon.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, pressing the heel of my hand against my forehead like that will somehow stop the ache building there.
“You two aren’t perfect,” she continues, her voice thick. “God knows you both screw up. But I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.”
I swallow hard, but it doesn’t do a damn thing to ease the lump in my throat.
“And I’ve never seen you fight for anything the way you fought for him,” she finishes. “Even when you didn’t think you were.”
Tears slip free before I can stop them.
“I don’t know if fighting for him will fix it,” I whisper.
“Maybe not,” she says. “But you’re the only one he’d ever fight for.”
I don’t know what to say. So I take the coward’s way out.
“I have to go,” I mumble, the words tumbling out too fast. “I’ll text you later.”
I end the call before Phern can protest or before she can say something else that might crack me wide open.
The phone slips from my hand, landing on the bed with a dull thud. I sit there, staring at nothing, trying to figure out what the hell I even want anymore.
