“My heart was broken open like a fresh wound when everything happened with my dad. How could he have done that to my mom?” I shake my head, scoffing. “So, when Sam came up to college, he brought a velvet box with a heart-shaped diamond ring. He brought me todinner and proposed. Looking back, I was young, and it wasn’t the right time. But it was after that when I decided it was easier to be single and not be involved with anyone. It’s too messy. Too emotional. And too risky for my heart.”
He hums. “Is that why you avoid and run away from people that make you feel things you don’t want to feel?”
It is like a knife to my chest. I suck in air, my breath choppy. I clear my throat. “Frankly, yes.”
He places his hand on my face. “You’re scared to be loved.”
“And hurt, deeply hurt. It seems inevitable.” I close my eyes and then open them. Through my thick lashes, I stare into his blue eyes, searching for answers to my unspoken question.If I take a chance on us, will he hurt me? Will I run and hurt him?With Kai, I can’t imagine him hurting me on purpose, but sometimes things happen.Why take a chance on love when someone will inevitably get hurt?I’m reeling in a direction I don’t want to go, but the knot in my stomach is holding me.
“You’re thinking too much. It’s written all over your face and in your eyes,” he says as his hand is still on my face. Dipping down to meet my lips, I allow him. The desire for him consumes me as my lips move with his, deep and passionate, as if we are telling our story without words. We deepen the kiss, tongues sliding over each other, slow, taking it all in.
He pulls away from my lips and rests his forehead on mine. My eyes are closed as the ripples of heat course through my body. Pulling me into a hug, he caresses my back. When I finally dare to open my eyes, his gaze flickers with care and compassion. I’m frozen in place. “Hey, you.” It’s all that comes out of my mouth.
“Hey, you.” He mimics me back, not moving at all.
It comes tumbling out of my mouth. “What are we doing?”
He chuckles, but doesn’t utter a word. I’m waiting to see if he has an answer. Then his phone vibrates in his pocket, which is up against my thigh. He ignores it and doesn’t break our eye contact, our connection.
Instead, he brushes his nose against mine and comforts me with his hands on my back.
“I have been taking it one day at a time. Will the answers be in the stars? Or are we enjoying each other’s company so we can just see where it goes?” He taps his fingers on my back. “I don’t want to scare you away again and have you run.” He stares into my soul with everything he’s saying; it’s all valid—I recognize it. Living one day at a time—isn’t that what I’ve tried to do for the past few years?
It’s now that I’m questioning if this warrants risking my heart for the first time in years. Or walk away now before either of us is in too deep and emotionally invested. Except if I’m being honest with myself, I’m already there, and the stakes are already high. I let out a heavy sigh. “My heart wants you, but my head is telling me to run.”
“All I ask for is your honesty, so thank you.” His grip tightens on me. “Please don’t run. I’m not sure I can handle you walking away from me…again.” He fully releases me and lays his hands in his lap. I miss his heat, his touch—why did he let me go?“But I won’t hold you here. What I’ve learned is that I can’t change people. No matter how hard I try, it never ends well. You have to be willing.”
My heart cracks. It already knows what’s next. “We should head back to the party.”
I watch as his hand rubs his chest again. He doesn’t say another word, and he stands up, holds out his hand for me to take. I hesitate for a split second, and he sees it. Just as his hand starts to lower, I grab it. And some of the light comes back into his eyes.
There are no words spoken as we walk back. Voices grow louder as the wedding tent comes into view. Once we are close enough, he swivels his heels to meet my eyes. “When you’re ready, come find me.I’ll wait as long as it takes. The ball is in your court.” He kisses my cheek and brushes his fingers through my hair.
I reach up and hold his hand to my face. “Can we talk more later…please?” I’m not ready to let him go, let whatever this is blooming inside of me go…not now. But I need to figure a few things out.
He drums his fingers on my shoulder and tightens his grip before saying, “Okay, that conversation took a sharp turn down the serious path. Why don’t we enjoy our time here, and we can talk later.”
“That sounds good.” I glance up to see Theresa talking with Kendall. She eyes me and waves me over. “Let me see what these two are conjuring up over there.”
He removes his hand and says, “Yes, go, talk with the girls.
FORTY
Kai
Iwatch her turn, and the only thing I can do is stare at her back as she walks away. The further away she is, the tighter my chest squeezes.
This conversation is not over. I’m not letting her off that easily. We’ll talk tonight. I can see it in her eyes; she knows we belong together. It’s written on every inch of her body, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll show her that this is right, that our lives are worth melding together. We are meant for each other.
I stand rooted in place, as I continue to watch her sway all the way across the yard to her sister and girlfriends. The way her body responds to mine, the way she looks at me, and the way we can talk and be vulnerable. This isn’t nothing; it’s everything.
Breaking me out of my thoughts and plans to have Ava see this is it for us, Logan smacks my back. “Hey man, what’s up? Having fun with your date?”
“It all just turned really serious,” I say without breaking eye contact with Ava’s back. “She’s someone special, Logan. I’m hoping fear doesn’t get the best of her.”
“Ava is special. She needs a guy like you to realize it, though. I tell her all the time, though I bust her, too, for not sticking around. The truth is, she needs someone steady, strong, and completely madly in love with her to show her it can be different than what she’s imaginingit to be. That she can be loved and love another person…she’s not her mom and dad.”
“I’m here. Ready to be that for her, and we will figure this out…together.” I look at him with determination. “There will never be a day that goes by that I don’t have her in my arms…I love her.” I run my hand through my hair as I shake my head.
