“It is, but a part of me wishes I had more time in Saxville before I had to leave…” Her words hang between us. She saidbut.That’s got to mean something, right?
There’s a lot I want to say, but now isn't the time. It’s enough to know she’s living her dream, and some small part of her may want to be back here.
She yawns on the other end of the phone. “Oh, I didn’t mean to yawn right in your ear.”
“You’re exhausted. Why don’t we pick this up tomorrow…or whenever you’re free to talk or if you’re up for texting,” I say without hesitation because hearing her voice…It’s like a symphony to my ear.
“Okay. Good night,” she says with another yawn in my ear.
“Night, sweetheart.” The desire to call her that and reiterate I’m here whenever she wants to call, it’s everything to me, hearing her voice, knowing it might be the last thing she hears before she falls fast asleep.
I reluctantly hang up, turn the jets back on, and slump back down into the water, drowning everything out.
While I finish letting the jets beat on my muscles, her face plays on repeat in my thoughts. And it doesn’t subside when I’m in bed and close my eyes. Falling asleep takes a while, as I work like hell to slow down all the Ava replays.
TWELVE
Ava
Our short-term rental is right by the beach, and we’ve settled in nicely. Lia comes barging through my bedroom door. “Ava, whatcha doing?”
“I talked to Kai last night.” I glance over at my phone lying on the bed next to me. I resist the urge to pick up my phone and text him.
“Ohhh, how did that go?” she asks, walking over to my bed and jumping on it. She’s aware I’ve been dwelling on how I left him. When I thought I was dead inside, he ignited something inside of me, and every inch of me lit on fire.
“That smile…” Lia pokes. “It’s all for him. I haven’t seen you like this in…yeah, never.”
A huge sigh comes out of my mouth as my body lands on the bed. “I should text him, it’s what I want to do. But I…I don’t know.”
Lia clears her throat and falls onto the bed, looking at me with her elbow holding her head up. I look to meet her gaze—she’s squinting at me. She says, “Hmm. Yeah, you should. Why not? You’ve talked, texted, so what’s holding you back?”
“Am I leading him on? I don’t want to hurt him. He told me about his ex, Katrina, and I don’t want to be one more woman who broke his heart. He truly is a nice guy.”
“Yes, he seems like it. Let your walls down and share it all with him.” Lia flops next to me. “Come on…You haven’t dated anyone in years. Those lame dates you go on…yeah, not the same as what I’m witnessing right here.” She pushes my shoulder hard.
“Ugh, but…”
“Nope, not listening to your bullshit answer this time. You’re all mushy for this guy. You can tell me all day long about what happened in your past. If you keep living there, you’ll never actually live your life. Instead, you’ll keep running, running scared of what this might actually be. Open your heart a little more and see what possibilities are out there for your life,” she says, throwing her arms around me.
“Lia…” I close my eyes and shift my head, staring up at the ceiling. “I promised myself I wouldn’t ever put myself in this kind of situation. Then, with all the stuff that happened with my parents, I am so fine with being alone.”
She’s silent. Then rolls herself onto her belly and moves closer to me.
“What?” I shout, a bit annoyed she’s staring. Not turning toward her, I can feel her eyes boring into my body.
“So…do I point out that you are lying to yourself, or shall I agree with you?”
“Why are we friends, again?” An exaggerated groan comes out of my mouth, and I fling both my arms over my head.
She proudly says, “Because you love me and won’t know what to do with your life if I weren’t in it, giving you all the perspective you need, maybe not what you want.”
I roll all the way over and smash my face into the bed. As I pull my head from the comforter, my phone dings. Our heads whip around to each other. “Do you think it’s him?” I ask with a smile so wide that my face might break.
Hesitating to pick it up. Lia beats me to it, grabs it, and runs to the kitchen. She’s the worst friend ever. I scream into the bed. Mybody zings with pleasure thinking it’s him. I’m running, my feet are stomping, chasing her all the way to the kitchen.
“It’s him.” She waves the phone in front of her. “Come on, you need to read it.”
When I finally reach her, she hands me the phone and says, “I love you. You’ll figure it out.” And hugs me tightly as she rubs my back.
