Ava:
Something came up that I’ve been waiting for for months. I’m heading to Virginia Beach. I’ll call you soon.
What else do I say?But tears start to well up in my eyes. Catching feelings is not my thing.Am I really questioning all of this that’s happened with him?Heading to Virginia Beach is familiar—running away before it’s too late. My feelings will dissipate, and I’ll be back to my normal self. I might need some time. Distractions won’t hurt either.
Kai:
Please do and drive safe.
My sister takes me in her arms and hugs me. That’s all it takes for the tears to roll down my cheeks and a small cry to escape.
Why am I leaving?
Maybe I don’t want to lose myself in a guy. Maybe trusting him is hard. Maybe I’m scared of—what if it all works out?Being alone keeps you from hurting. This time, the things I’m telling myself don’t resonate. Old habits die hard.
Avoiding is what I do well. So, I stand up, hug my sister, and say, “I’ll shower and pack everything up.” I rub her pregnant belly. “I’ll be back to see this little one.”
Before I can walk away from her, she says, “Sometimes you can’t control who you love…and who loves you. You’re enough, always.”
My heart drops straight to my stomach, a knot forming. I reach for it and hold my hand on my belly. All these feelings are foreign to my body. It’s uncomfortable, like every muscle is tense and there’s no way to relax. Unless I’m with him. I clear the rock in my throat, pushing down the urge to cry more from these overwhelming sensations throughout my body.
When my three-year-old niece walks in the room, I genuinely smile. I leave all of it behind me and focus on Giana. She makes the world go around. Her energy, her spirit, and her laugh—I will miss all of them. It’s harder and harder to leave her behind. I remind myself I’ll be back in a couple of months. It’s not forever.
As if I’m trying to talk myself into not feeling bad that I’m leaving, I hug her sweet body, pick her up, and tell her. “Auntie needs to head out, but I’ll see you soon. You ready to be a big sister?”
She nods her head frantically. “Yes, yes, I be a good big sister.” And then hugs me with her tiny arms wrapped around my neck. “I luv you, Auntie.”
My heart might burst into a thousand pieces. I love this little girl like she’s my own. “I love you too, buttercup.”
Once I place her feet back on the floor, I tap her head and turn quickly as more tears spill out of my eyes. I leave as quickly as possible. Goodbyes with my sister and niece are harder and harder each time.But this time, I can’t seem to go fast enough before having a breakdown. It’s been hard to leave, but nothing like tears and blubbering. I wave and pull myself together as I hop into my van and head south.
Two days later, I’m pulling into my spot at Virginia Beach as Lia waits for me. I slide out, and she pummels me with the biggest hug. “You’re here!” She’s bouncing on her feet and clapping her hands.
I put on a smile for her. “I am”
She grabs my face with both of her hands, tilting my head from one side to the other. “What’s wrong?”
I shake her off. “Nothing.”
“Lies, all—lies.” She side-eyes me.
I spent the next two hours talking to her as we set everything up for the week. Filling her in on Kai, the cookout, the restaurant, the Lakehouse, all of it.
As if he knew I was talking about him, a text comes through.
Kai:
Did you get there safely?
Ava:
Yes
Kai:
Okay. Call me when you can.
Ava:
