He says nothing, just arches one eyebrow. I tap the icon to bring up Caroline’s text messages.
Even though, by now, I know what I’m expecting to see, I’m still shocked at the number of times Ed’s name appears in the list. Occasional messages from her brother, and three from someone called Lucy, a friend, I suppose. A handful from Ewan. The rest are from Ed. I scroll down through the dates first, to find when the messages from Ed seemed to start.
February 2013.
Four months before they died, and only a matter of weeks after Ed and I were married. So much for a honeymoon period.
I open the first message:
Hi. Found that bk. Come round tomorrow if u want it
So that’s where it all started. With a book. Or was that just an excuse? I scroll down for the reply:
Thanks. See you at 2
Their first assignation? Maybe. I select another message, this time from March. Ewan comes around to sit next to me so he can read over my shoulder. I angle the phone to give him a better view.
Loved this afternoon. Tomorrow? Xxx
The reply:
Sure. same time? Xxx
Ed’s response—earlier.
F due home at 3. Dentist appt.
A red mist of anger starts to descend. I even remember that exact day, the day I had a dental check-up scheduled for just after lunch and decided to come straight home after, for a little ‘us’ time. Christ, we spent the rest of the afternoon in bed.
The deceitful little shit. The slime ball. Did they fuck in our bed, just hours before Ed and I made love there?Mybed?
I’ve seen enough. It’s obvious the pair of them were at it for months. Behind my back. How could I have been so gullible? So bloody stupid? I hand the phone back to Ewan.
“I guess that gives me my answers then.”
“It looks like it. I’m sorry, Faith.”
“It wasn’t your fault. What could you have done?”
“Nothing. That’s not what I meant. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt. For what it’s worth, I always thought Ed was punching above his weight with you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, I thought you were gorgeous and he didn’t appreciate you. He didn’t deserve you.”
“Caroline didn’t deserve you, either.”
“She didn’t have me.” He shakes his head, his expression sad. “I never wished her any harm, but I could fucking kill her for hurting you like this. And him.”
I stare at Ewan, recalling now in vivid detail what Caroline tried to say to me as she lay dying in the road.
“She told me. Almost. After the crash, when you wentto check on Ed and I stayed with her. She told me she was sorry, that she never wanted to hurt me. I had no idea what she meant. It must have been this. I thought she was rambling, but it makes sense now.”
“I guess so. Maybe it was on her conscience and she knew…” His voice trails away and he reaches for the phone. “Might as well see what else is here.”
Ewan starts up the phone again and continues to scroll down, scanning the remaining texts. His expression tells me all I need to know. It’s there, more evidence, more proof of what was happening right under my nose. Both our noses, though of course Ewan wasn’t even here for much of the time.
“Shit! Holy fucking shit!” Ewan’s expletive grabs my attention again.
