“Your h…” Her eyelids droop, as though it’s all really too much effort.
“I’ll get a new helmet. It’s all fine. Really.”
Her words make no sense, just delirious ramblings, more ominous almost than the twisted limbs and blood trickling from her nose. I squeeze her hand again as I survey the scene, seeking out Ewan. When I glance back at her, Caroline is drifting in and out of consciousness. Her attempts to talk to me are over.
I twist my neck, straining to see something, anything of my husband. I call out to Ewan. “How is he? Have you found him?”
No reply. I stand, just as another car rounds the bend,narrowly avoiding Ewan’s abandoned Nissan. The second car stops; a middle-aged couple get out.
“Are you alright, love? Has there been an accident?” The man is already on his way over to me. “Mary, pass me my bag.”
Moments later the couple are bending over Caroline, the man’s fingers testing for pulses, heartbeat, breathing. He seems to know what he’s about, and my confidence soars when the bag he called for yields a stethoscope. Then a syringe. A doctor. We have a doctor on the scene now. It’s going to be alright.
I leave Caroline in their care and stagger across to where I saw Ewan leap into the ditch. As I get closer I see the flattened grass where the bike has slithered off the road. Thank God, at least Ed had a softer landing. Perhaps…
Ewan comes into view, scrambling back up onto the road. He doesn’t see me at first. He stands, leans forward, his hands on his knees as he steadies himself. Only then does he straighten and spot me. His expression tells me all I need to know. The awful reality of what has happened. Even so, I ask, hoping I’m wrong, that I’ve somehow misinterpreted that bleak expression.
“Ed? Is he… I need to see if he’s okay.”
Ewan shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”
I still don’t take it in. I try to step around him, past him to reach my husband. Ewan’s arm is around my waist, preventing me from hurling myself down the ditch.
“It’s too late. He’s gone. I’m sorry.”
“Gone? No, I don’t understand. He just came off the bike. He’s always doing it. He’ll be fine.”
“I’m sorry, Faith.”
I start to struggle, wriggling in his arms, desperate to be free. “Let go of me. I need to see him. Ed will need me.”I’m punching Ewan’s chest, as though pounding him for the dreadful news he’s brought me. He makes no attempt to stop the blows, absorbing them until at last I give in, exhausted.
“You should see him, I know that. Come on.” He releases me, but holds out his hand. I take it, allow him to guide me off the road and down the short bank, past the tangled, bent wreck of the Yamaha to where Ed’s body is lying a few feet beyond. His neck is broken, his head is twisted at an impossible angle. His eyes are open, unseeing behind the Perspex of his helmet mask.
I start to shake, then sob. Ewan’s arm is around my shoulders, his quiet strength holding me up when I would have flung myself across Ed’s dead body.
“There’s nothing we can do for him now. Come away, Faith. Sit in the car until the ambulance gets here.”
I let him lead me back up the banking onto the road. By now a couple more vehicles have arrived, including a police car. The officers take charge of the situation, controlling traffic, radioing for the ambulance to hurry up. Despite my dazed and disjointed grasp on the situation, I know this has to be for Caroline, because there would be no point rushing around for Ed. Not now. The officers inspect the scene, satisfy themselves there really is nothing to be done for the casualty down the banking, and concentrate their efforts on the living.
The doctor also makes a short trip down the ditch to satisfy himself that Ed is beyond his help, then returns to Caroline. She’s in a bad way, her breathing more shallow. Ewan kneels beside her, holding her hand as the doctor does his best. Her face is grey, her eyes rolling in her head. She’s unconscious now.
“She’s stopped breathing.” The doctor has managed to insert a tube into Caroline’s mouth and throat without removing the helmet. Now he starts pumping air from a rubber bag into her. He gestures to his wife to come andtake over as he moves on to perform heart compressions.
With a detachment borne of shock and grief, I know it will be to no avail.
The ambulance arrives, the paramedics take over. They have a doctor on board who declares both casualties dead at the scene.
As the paramedics load Caroline’s lifeless body into the ambulance, Ewan turns to me, his expression bleak. His eyes are hard, glittering with grief and tears yet to come.
I don’t blame him. His Carrie is gone, dead and cold.
It should have been me.
Chapter Two
The days following the crash are a blur, a whirlwind of frenzied activity. First the hospital, then the police. I go through all of it in a sort of daze, on autopilot, doing as I’m told, completing tasks and making arrangements, dealing with all the things that everyone around me insist must be done at a time like this.
A time like this? What on earth is that supposed to mean? I can’t even start to imagine any other time which could be even remotely similar to this.
