“I did. I tried to get to twenty, but it was too much.”
“I know. Enough’s enough. You didn’t safe word though. I stopped.”
“You stopped? Why? I mean, I thought you said…” I’m baffled. He was so definite that he would not stop, no matter how much I might plead and scream.
“I did. But I also told you that I hoped you’d never need to actually use your safe word, that I’d know before you reached that stage that you needed me to stop. Like I say, sweetheart, enough’s enough. Twenty strokes was always going to be too much for your first time.”
“You don’t mind? You’re not disappointed in me?” I can’t quite believe this. Perhaps there isn’t after all to be any continuation. Is it really over?
“Not disappointed, not in the least. I’m delighted with you. You’re a sexy and brave little sub, and now, I think, a suitably chastised one too. Am I right?”
By way of an answer I bury my nose in his chest again and resume my sobbing. It’s a subdued, calm outpouring now though, the final purging of any residual guilt and shame. My confusion and ambivalence about this lifestyle slide away too, to be replaced by a sense of belonging, or purpose, of sweet, solid certainty. Ewan’s palm is on my back, tracing circles between my shoulder blades. He says nothing as my weeping subsides into occasional gulps, then finally silence.
We lay still for a few minutes. My head’s whirling, I have even more questions now. But emotionally I feel alright, more alright than I can remember in a long time. My connection to Ewan is stronger than ever. I am content.
Chapter Ten
“Hungry?”
My stomach clenches and growls, leaving no room for doubt.
“Starving.” I struggle to sit up, still in Ewan’s bed. I wince as my weight settles on my abused bum. “Ow.” I roll to my side and reach down to lay my palm across my smarting buttock, amazed to feel the heat still radiating from my skin.
“Sore?”
“Mmm, but it’s okay.” I shift my weight, only now noticing the aroma of bacon wafting my way. “Did you bring food up?”
“I did. Here.” He passes me a plate. “Crispy bacon, granary roll, a smudge of brown sauce. Suit you?”
“Lovely.” I grab the sandwich and take a bite. I chew, swallow, then gnaw off another lump. Ewan is a master with a spanking crop, as I can now readily testify, but his skill with a bacon butty is equally impressive. I glance at him, his expression amused as he perches on the edge of the bed and contemplates my enthusiastic response to breakfast.
Except, this isn’t breakfast. It’s dark outside. Notmorning. I frown at Ewan as I attempt to reassemble my thoughts from before I flaked out in his bed, exhausted.
“How long was I asleep?”
“A couple of hours. It’s almost ten now. Youwillbe staying over, I assume.”
I nod and bite into my sandwich again. “If that’s alright with you. I mean, I don’t want to just assume…”
“Assume away, love. Maybe we should think about knocking through.”
“What? You want to join up our houses? How would that work?”
He shrugs. “Not sure. We’d have to get someone to draw up some plans. Or maybe we could just sell up both places and buy somewhere else. Together.”
My brain is doing cartwheels. This I didn’t bargain on. “You mean you want us to live together?” Unwelcome images of the casual setup he enjoyed with Caroline spring to mind.
He passes me a cup of tea to swill down the remaining couple of mouthfuls. “Maybe. I haven’t really thought it through. We more or less live together already. Except when I’m away, obviously.”
Obviously, and that’s a sobering thought. “How long before you need to go away again?”
“Week after next, but not for long. A few days probably. Then next month I need to go to South Korea for a couple of weeks at least.”
“I’ll miss you. I always miss you when you’re not here.”
“I’ll miss you too. Is there any chance you could come with me?”
I shake my head in genuine regret. “Not this time. I need to work on my business, get myself established. I want to make a go ofFaith,and I’m at such an early stage…”
