I sipped my mimosa slowly. That night had changed everything, literally, and it was all happening so fast that I was still trying to catch my balance.
“Well, I love it.” Jess cut in, holding up her hand to show off her ring for the millionth time today. “Love is in the air. My brother has a wonderful girlfriend who adores him, and my man brought me a new four-bedroom house. And a ring. It’s so beautiful.”
“Girl, we get it,” Teagan said. “You engaged and glowing.”
“And is!” Jess waved her left hand in the air.
“I’ll toast to that!” Marcie held her mimosa glass up in the air, and we all joined her.
“To love,” Jess stated.
“To living,” I added, and we clinked our mimosa glasses together and took a sip. For once, I wasn’t scrolling through pictures on social media, watching other people live their lives. I was actually living mine. I hadn’t realized how much I missed just being outside my house. It was like I was returning to a version of myself that I thought I’d lost in survival mode. And even though part of me was waiting for the ball to drop, waiting for my body to betray me, waiting for my relationship to fail, I was still showing up for myself. This was growth. This was healing.
“Oop,… hold up,” Teagan said, holding her phone up. “Kadeem on the track is live from the studio with Quade right now.”
All four of us leaned in and looked at her screen. It did not surprise me at all that Teagan was already following the producer. Kadeem on the track was always posted up on social media, and Teagan loved her celebrity gossip. My eyes searched the screen, looking for Quade.
“In the studio with the legend,” Kadeem said, and the camera panned to Quade. My smile brightened. There he was—my man.My man was sitting on the couch, chain shining, laughing at something somebody said off-camera. He looked good, happy, like he belonged there.
“Girl, had I known he was recording with Kadeem’s fine ass, I would have asked to go with him,” Teagan stated just as the camera shifted. I watched as a girl leaned in, tapping Quade’s arm. I stared at her, long blonde hair, waist snatched, titties sitting in his face. Another woman slid into the frame next to him, whispering something in his ear. Just like the other one, she was pretty. The body was tea. I bet they never had to think about their bodies failing them daily.
My smile dropped, and my facial expression changed before I could catch it. I didn’t want to see anymore.
“Noa.” Teagan clocked me immediately. Of course she did.
“What?” I pushed out a fake laugh.
“Don’t even do that,” she said. “Don’t let your mind go left. That interaction was innocent.”
Marci frowned, looking between us. “What?”
“Noa’s tripping off the girls,” Teagan replied.
“I’m not tripping—” I started, then sighed. “I’m fine.”
“You not?” Teagan asked, still watching me instead of the phone now. “And that’s okay. But, girl, relax. Quade adores you.”
“Exactly. You know he does. He probably ain’t even notice them damn girls.” Jess nodded. “Besides, Ron is literally right next to him, and I’m sure he cockblocking all the groupies for you.”
That made me laugh, but my head was already spinning. “I know… I know. I’m not tripping,” I lied. “I’m the one who pushed him to get back in the studio.”
“Noa, you literally have a living room full of damn flowers to prove that man don’t see nobody but you.”
“A living room full of flowers?” Marcie’s eyebrows raised.
“He buys her flowers every day,” Teagan replied.
“Oh,… wow… Girl, I wouldn’t be tripping off them girls. It comes with the territory,” Marci jumped in. “But you also get to have feelings. Just talk to him. That way, y’all on the same page.”
I nodded my head, but inside, I was spiraling a little. I wanted Quade to get back into his art, but I guess I didn’t think about what all came with it. Being a superstar rapper came with women, attention, and access. It was fast-paced, the perfect pace for Quade, but I didn’t fit into that. Even if I wanted to, I physically couldn’t. What was going to happen to us when his rap career took off again?
My phone buzzed just as Teagan swiped out of the live.
Bae:
Brunch going good? Miss you.
It was a simple message, but my head wouldn’t let me respond. My thumb hovered. Then I locked the phone and placed it face down on the table. If I responded right now, he would see all the ugly, insecure sides of me I didn’t want him to see.
