“She’s flaring real bad,” Teagan replied.
“What do I need to do?”
“She needs to lie down. I’m about to transfer her?—”
He moved before Teagan could finish her sentence. In two strides, he was at my side, crouching down in front of me.
“Hey, I got you.” He swiped my cheek quickly, and I could feel his arms slide around my back and my knees.
“Quade, wait—” I tried to protest, but the words barely made it out.
“Okay, but keep her upright as much as you can,” Teagan said quickly, stepping aside for him. “Don’t yank her legs. Support her spine. Yeah, just like that.”
“I got her,” he said, and before I could protest or even process what was happening, I was in his arms. His chest was warm, solid, and he held me like I weighed nothing at all.
“Quade,” I whispered weakly. “You don’t?—”
“Shhh,” he cut me off, already heading toward the bedroom. “I got you, baby.”
The walk was short, but my entire world tilted. I hated being seen like this—weak. Of all the times he’d chosen to return, it had to be now. Sure, he knew my struggles. He’d seen me in pain, but not like this. This was too much too soon. He lay me down gently on my bed and then reached for the nearest pillow and fluffed it beneath my head.
“You need water?” he asked. “Heating pad? Do we need to call the doctor? Get you to the hospital? Is this because of what we did?”
I stared at him and shook my head. His usually calm demeanor was gone and replaced with worry and concern.Great, Noa, now the man is never going to touch you again.The door creaked open behind him, and Teagan walked in, holding out a glass of water and two pills already in her palm.
“You comfortable, Sis?” she asked as she approached the bed.
“Yeah, just in pain,” I replied.
“Well, the meds will help some. Open up.” I opened my mouth and allowed my sister to place the meds in my mouth, followed by a swig of water. I swallowed, hoping to feel some relief soon. “I’m about to call Dr. Easton and see if she wants you to come in. I’ll be back.” Teagan stepped away from the bed and made her way to the door.
“Quade, are you good to stay with her until I come back?”
“I got her. I ain’t going nowhere,” he replied, and Teagan nodded as she walked out the door, leaving Quade and me alone.
“You want a blanket?” he asked. “A heating pad? Shit, I can send Rico and James to the store.”
I shook my head. “No, it’s okay.”
“Alright.” He hesitated as he just stood there, watching me. His eyebrows were balled up, and his lips were parted like he wanted to say something but didn’t know what to say. I was watching him, in real time, see all of my broken pieces, everything I carried on a daily basis. His eyes glazed over mytrembling hands, and my chest hurt… not from lupus but from the weight of this moment.
“I could rub your back,… shoulders, maybe. I mean,… do massages help? I ain’t trying to make it worse, but just?—”
“You can’t fix this, Quade.” My voice was hoarse. “This is my life. This is lupus.” I swallowed the lump in my throat as my eyes focused on him as he stood there, trying to do everything to fix me when nothing could be done. He looked so helpless standing at the foot of my bed, rocking side to side like he didn’t know where to put his hands, and it broke me because I knew this part. This was the part people didn’t stay for, the part where people chose to bail out.
“Some days,… I’m okay. Some days, I’m not. You don’t have to keep… offering yourself up to fix something that can’t be fixed.”
His jaw tightened, and he looked like he wanted to say something, but he didn’t. He just walked over to the other side of the bed and peeled back the covers.
“Can I…?”
My eyes darted to him, and he nodded toward the bed. I swallowed hard and let him know it was okay to join me. He kicked off his boots and climbed in carefully, like he didn’t want to disturb me. I expected him to wrap his arms around me, but he didn’t. He didn’t even get close to me. He just lay back on the pillow next to mine and crossed his arms over his chest, probably thinking of a way to let me down easy.
“I understand if this is too much. Dating the sick girl is… a lot.”
He turned his head to look at me. For a moment, he didn’t say a word, just stared like he couldn’t believe I’d even said that.
“Nah. Don’t do that,” he finally spoke. “You ain’t too much; you just been through some shit…”
